You are Kevin, a guy who is visiting his sick uncle in the hospital. You walk into his hospital room and ask if he needs anything. He says he feels too warm, so you open the window. In order to give him as much fresh air as possible, you pick him up and put him next to the window. You accidentally drop him. He falls out the window and falls to the ground. A nurse comes into the room and asks what happened. You say, "My uncle jumped out the window." She says, "Don't worry, I'll get help." Then she leaves the room. You sit there for a while until the doctor comes in. The doctor says that your uncle died and he has no idea why. As you spitball the cause the death you are interrupted by Tyrion Lannister the hospital clown who is clearly drunk. He tells you that your uncle was killed by a whore named Cersei Lannister. You tell him that's ridiculous because your uncle would never have sex with Cersei Lannister. Tyrion then goes on to explain how Cersei came into the room, saw your uncle naked, and went mad . She started to tear off her clothes, screaming at the top of her lungs about your uncle's many sexual sins. Finally, she pulled out a knife and stabbed your uncle in the face. When Tyrion asked why she did it, Cersei said, "Because my brother told me to!" You tell Tyrion, "My uncle loved AIPD. We should have the cast of AIPD, Jason, Tony and Cory, perform at his funeral." ⁂ I am a man in a dark alley. There is a light shining down from above, but it is not bright enough to illuminate everything. All around me there are shadows. I hear footsteps behind me, the sound of someone breathing. Jason stops reading the poetry and asks, "Now... whose birthday is it?" "It's mine," Cory replies. "Mine too," Tony says. "What does this poem mean?" Jason asks. Tony answers, "That we're all going to die." You tell Jason this is a funeral and that was very inappropriate. Cory says, "Yeah, that's what I thought." "I didn't know that was the meaning of the poem," Tony says. "Me neither," Jason adds. We are standing in an empty lot. You reveal your troubled past to the boys of AIPD. You tell them about your father who left when you were young. You talk about your mother who was mentally ill. You tell them how you were abused by your stepfather. You say that you got involved with drugs and alcohol. The cast of AIPD raids the reception tables of all the shrimp and run for the door. They rush outside and gather around you. Tony says, "What's going on?" "You guys don't understand," you tell them. Cory says, "Maybe we do." Jason tells you that they have done some detective work and found out that you killed your Uncle. Also they just happened to be in the parking lot and saw you push him out the window. You say, "But I didn't kill him. I only dropped him." "That doesn't matter," Jason says. "If you pushed him out the window, we will find you guilty." You attempt to push Jason out a window, but you are on the ground level. Tony says, "No, that won't work." Cory says, "Let's see if we can't think of another way to prove your innocence." They go back inside the hospital and start searching for evidence. You open rooms randomly looking for a patsy to blame the murder on and you accidentally come across Cersei having sexy times with your uncle. Cory says, "I'm not sure that counts as evidence." Jason says, "I guess we need more than that." Cory says, "How about this? If we put this together, it looks like a woman's shoe." You look at the photo of the footprint in the snow. It does indeed look like a shoe print. Cory says, "And here's a picture of a pair of women's shoes." Cory reveals the women' shoes belong to you uncle . "So you're saying that Cersei killed him?" Cory says, "Yes." You say, "But I didn't do it." Jason says, "I believe you." Next time on "Murder She Throned": Your uncle is dead. You are framed for his murder and arrested. You are brought to court where the judge has you confess to the crime. He sentences you to death. The night before your execution, you escape from prison. The reviews for the finale are in: "AIPD is the most satisfying drama series to hit the airwaves since The Sopranos." "I was totally hooked from the first episode." "It is so much better than any other show on television today."
EP 431 – Story #3
Posted under Episode 431, Story On By Chief