EP 428 – Story #1

You are Jennifer Responsible, one of the top workers at the adoption agency. It comes to your attention that a man in his thirties, named Jason, adopted a man in his forties, named Tony. You have a lot of questions about this, so you have Jason and Tony come to your office for an important discussion.
 After some small talk, you ask them both if they would mind answering all of your questions truthfully. They agree without hesitation. The conversation goes something like this:
"Mr. Adoption Worker," asks Tony, "Why did you adopt me?"

You ask "are you equipped to handle a grown man as a child" as you walk to Jason's fridge and open it to see only 1 Jar of delicious Pickled Spag Bol.
 You say "What is wrong with your pickle jar? Why don't I see any more jars of pickles? What happened to my pickles?"
Jason explains that he has been taking care of Tony since the day he was born.

The adoption worker says, "Jason, your friend, Cory, wants to have legal custody of Tony."

Tony says, "I'm sorry, but I will not allow him to have legal custody or even visitation rights. He is a terrible person who ruined my life when we were children."
You ask Jason, "Did Cory ever do anything bad to you?"

He replies, "Yes, many times."
"Like what?" You ask.
"Cory used to beat me up every night until I finally got tired of it and left home."

Cory reveals a forged document that says Tony is his adopted son.

You ask Jason, "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"Because Cory threatened to kill me if I told anyone."
You ask "How could you let this happen?"
"It was easy," Jason says, "All I had to do was sign papers saying that Cory was
 my son."
Tony says, "And now Cory is trying to get legal custody of me."
"We can help you fight him off," Jason says.
"No," Tony says, "I am done fighting.

Jason eats one too many spoonfuls of brine and becomes a pickle.

You ask Jason, "Who is Cory?"
He answers, "Cory is the guy who ruined my life."
The adoption worker asks Jason, "Why are you helping him?"
Jason says, "Because he helped me out once."

Tony grieves the fact that Jason has turned into a pickle.

A couple weeks later, you hear rumors that Cory is going to try to take Tony away from Jason. You know that Jason is innocent and he needs your help. You go to see Jason at work and explain the situation.

You go to Jason's work at the pickle factory and notice that a fat degenerate employee has confused Jason for his lunch is about to take a bite out of him.
 You grab the pickle and eat it, then you throw the rest of the pickle at the fat degenerate employee. Then you explain everything to Jason.
After hearing your story, Jason explains how Cory is responsible for ruining his life.

The fat degenerate goes full hippo and tackles your skinny ass. You feel their fat folds smash against you and begin to suffocate.

You cry out, "Help!"
The fat degenerate employee rolls off of your and sees a jar of pickles on the floor.
They reach down, open it, and eat a pickle.

Next time on "Adult Adoption Agency":

* * *
The next morning, after eating a pickle, the fat degenerate employee comes to work and starts giving Jason a hard time. Jason gets angry and punches the fat degenerate in the face.