EP 426 – Story #2

You are Barney The Purple Dinosaur, after your Show "Barney and Friends" was cancelled you have turned to alcohol and Drugs to fill the Gap that the Successful Kids Show had in your Life. Your Bank Account has gone all the way to Zero and you
're
 sleeping on your friends couches, since no one is hiring you after the Show.
 You've been fired from a couple of jobs but somehow keep getting yourself into trouble. Even though you don't remember most of it anymore, you still get arrested for Drunk Driving or some other stupid thing.

You are sentenced to traffic school. You walk in the classroom and see
 Miss Biscuit sitting at her desk reading an old book titled: “How to Be a Good Mommy” by Dr. Doreen J. Walker-Jones. She's wearing black leggings with matching high heels and a pink blouse.

You hand Miss Biscuit a bribe: a pile of Tony's hot hair.
 You tell her that she can take the class if she'll give you a hug.
She looks up from her book: "I'm sorry? Are you Barney?"
"Yea." You say while handing over the money.

Miss Biscuit refuses your bribe and demands you take a seat.  You sit next to Gilbert Gottfried, your friend who tolerates you as long as you don't question the Gay Fox mask he always wears.
 He tells you about his latest job interview where they wanted him to sing in their church choir.
Gilbert sings the first verse of "Ave Maria" and then hands the microphone back to Miss Biscuit.

Miss Biscuit knows some of the victims from your drunk driving accident and goes extra hard on your when it comes to the traffic school curriculum.

It's the middle of January, so your not even close to being done with this class.
The teacher says: "Now we will begin our lesson on how to be a good mommy."

You tell Miss Biscuit, "I've been a bad baby. Will mommy punish me?"

Miss Biscuit smiles at you and says: "Of course I will punish you. Now what do you want to be punished for?"
You look around the room and see Miss Biscuit's son named Charles.

You slap Charles Biscuit across the face and yell "punish me for this" as you lean over and point your butt at Miss Biscuit.

Charles Biscuit asks: "Mommy, why did you hit my brother?"
Miss Biscuit explains: "He's bad. Bad boys need to be spanked."
"Spank me daddy," you say as you stick out your ass.

Charles Biscuit confused spanks you as Miss Biscuit gets up and throws you out of class for the day.  Miss Biscuits reprimands you in the hallway and says, "
Bad boy! I don't know why I ever let you come back to class!"
You tell Miss Biscuit: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"No. Don't apologize to me.
 Apologize to my foot."

Your heart sinks and you start crying.
Miss Biscuit says: "You're lucky I love you. Otherwise, I would kick you out of here for good."
You thank Miss Biscuit and promise never to drink again.

You graduate traffic school with flying colors and Miss Biscuit has some parting words of encouragement for you:
 "Don't worry about getting a job. You'll find something. Just don't forget what happened today."
You drive home and see Miss Biscuit's house. You pull into the driveway and see her car in the garage.

You work as Miss Biscuit's foot bitch for the rest of your life.

You are now married to Miss Biscuit and have two children: Charles Biscuit and Gilbert Gottfried.
After Miss Biscuit passes away, you and your family move to California and open up a successful Foot Fetish Boutique.

Next time on "Barney The Retired Foot Fetish Dinosaur":

In this episode, you discover that your kids are going to college.
All right, Barney, that's enough. I'm not sure what you think you're doing, but you're making everyone uncomfortable.