EP 425 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 425, Story On By Chief

You are Lucky Larry, a guy who is designing a spaceship. You decide to invent a spaceship that has the windows stuck open. You think that'll help the astronauts get some cool air. After you finish making the spaceship, the astronauts get inside and start flying to space. However, since the windows are stuck open, the astronauts fall out the window and get blown around space. You say, "Ut oh."
 The problem is that if you make your spaceship with the windows closed, then it will be too heavy for an astronaut to fly in. So what do you do? Answer this question below:
What is the most efficient way of getting into space without falling out of the ship?

You steer the ship and fly space turds into your ship.
 That's right! It works perfectly, but the government doesn't like how you did it so they put a law on you saying that every time someone flies a ship through space he or she must first eat shit before taking off.

You immediately go on strike with the other astronauts to protest the shit-eating rule.
 They all refuse to take any more crap from you guys. You know that if they don't agree to stop eating shit, then none of them can ever fly their ships again. Your only hope is to convince one of these assholes to change his mind about not eating shit.

You put on Cory from AIPD's clothes which somehow got into space even though Cory is on Earth.
 You tell him, "I'm sorry, but I have to eat shit before we leave." He says, "Oh yeah? Well fuck you!" Then he eats shit while you watch.
After he finishes eating shit, you try to convince him to give up on the bullshit rule.

You convince him to stop eating shit.

But now you've lost your chance at going to space because everyone thinks you're a freak. You feel terrible. What do you do next?
Answer this question below:
You are on the moon, walking around when suddenly you hear a voice behind you say, "Hey man, you look
 like a pretty cool dude. Why don't you come over here and suck my dick?" You turn around to see an alien named Rufus. He says, "Come on, just blow me.

You put a hand on your hip and say, "That don't impress me much."

Rufus says, "I'll give you $5,000 if you blow me."
"No thanks," you reply.
Then Rufus says, "I'll give you $10,000 if you blow me."

You say, "You're crazy. How am I supposed to get 10 grand?"
He says, "Well, you could sell yourself into slavery to pay me back."
You say, "Ok, I'll do it."

You become an interstellar slaves in the spice mines.
 Every day you work hard mining the spice. You mine so much spice that it starts to build up in your head. Soon you can't think straight anymore. You become completely addicted to the stuff.

You hear a beeping deep in the spice mines and follow the sound.  You pickup a pipe bomb that kills Larry the second he finds it.
 You put the bomb in your pocket and walk out of the mines.
You get to the spaceport and see Cory leaving in his ship. You run after him and jump into the cockpit. You say, "Cory, we have to get away from the mines.
 I found a bomb!"
Cory says, "Shit, that was fast. We gotta go."
You say, "Wait, there's no time to explain. Just take off."

As the ship takes off, you realize the pilot isn't Corey, but Rufus, who is wearing Corey's clothes.

Rufus says, "Sorry about that, dude. I figured you would never find the bomb. But now that you did, you need to blow yourself up."
You ask, "Why?
 What do you want?"
Rufus says, "I just wanted to kill you. I thought you were a big shot and wouldn't let me suck your dick. You're lucky you didn't blow up the whole mines."

Rufus stops at a space bar and you run into GamerZonesYes, a guy who is determined to beat the crap out of you.

You fight back and win. You say, "Now you're going to die."
He says, "No, I'm not. You have to eat shit first."
You say, "I don't want to eat shit."

GamerZoneYes says, "All I want is for the pipe bomb to go off."

You say, "No, I'm not going to eat shit. If I eat shit, then I can't fly my spaceship."
GamerZoneYes says, "You have to eat shit."

As GamerZoneYes says that, that pipe bomb activates in your pocket and detonates.

You explode in a huge ball of fire.
You land on the ground.
You wake up in bed.
Your mom says, "Are you ok?"
You say, "Yeah, I'm fine.

Next time on "Lucky Larry: Lord of Leisure":

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"Lord of Leisure" was written by Erik Wiese, and produced by Rick Mofina.
Special thanks to Gwen, and the entire cast and crew of "Lucky Larry".