EP 424 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 424, Story On By Chief

You are Dominic Flannagan, a man who made a bet that you'd run for Congress but your best friend writes your speeches to trip you up. You've booked an interview with CNN to make your  debut on the political stage. It opens with "My name is Dominic Flannagan and If there's anything I hate it's
 being lied to by my friends." The host smiles warmly as he asks if this means you're running for office?
"No," you say. "I'm just making a point about how easy it is to lie to people when they don't know any better.

you say "I learned this thing in community college called "reverse psychology" where I trick people into doing the thing I want them to do". The interviewer rolls his eyes at you.
 He asks what you mean by reverse psychology?
You smile. "It's like the old saying “If someone wants something bad enough they'll find a way to get it." Then you look directly into the camera.

You lean in for a kiss with America.
 "I'm not going to tell anyone that I was lying because everyone already knows me. They all think of me as their friend or family member so no one will believe me anyway. But if I have to pretend to be something else then maybe I can trick some of those people into thinking I'm really
 something else."
The audience laughs and applauds. Your face feels hot and your heart pounds faster than normal. You've never been very good at telling lies but you figure that you might as well give it a shot since you're pretty sure everyone already thinks you're a complete idiot anyway.

You reveal your troubled past.
 You grew up in poverty and were always bullied at school. Your parents died before you could remember them and now you live alone in a small apartment in New York City. Your mother left you money to pay off her debts and you decided to use it to buy yourself a new suit.

You answered the door in your new suit and meet two debt collectors. One of them is holding a baseball bat.
 He hits you over the head with it and drags you out back to throw you into a dumpster.
Your cell phone rings as you try to climb out of the trash bin. You pull it from your pocket and see that it's one of your buddies calling you.

You exclaim "Oh its my buddy, Buddy The Elf." you answer and quickly say "Buddy, you gotta help me Buddy. I'm currently hiding in a dumpster.
 A debt collector threw me in here. Please send help Buddy!"
You hang up and scream at the top of your lungs. The audience gasps. You continue screaming until the police arrive. They cuff you and take you away.

As you sit in the back seat of the patrol car, you manage to get your hands in front of you and smash out one of the windows and make a daring lunge from the moving car.
 The driver swerves wildly and nearly sideswipes another vehicle. He finally manages to get the car under control and pulls over. You jump out of the car and dash across the street to the nearest subway station.

You sit on a bench and wait.  A man in a trench coat sits next to you and says, "You and he were buddies, weren't you?" and show you a picture.

"Yeah," you say, "That was Buddy The Elf."
The man gives you a strange look and says, "What happened to him?"
You explain that you went to high school together and you were friends.

A large shadowy figure with a green sheen emerges and knocks out the officer, its Buddy. Buddy says "I got ya buddy!"
 and takes the cop's gun.
Buddy turns to you and says "Let's go to your place."
He leads you down the subway steps and you walk through the turnstiles.

You return home with Buddy and plot your Boondock Saint's revenge plot against the debt collectors.  You catch the debt collectors and execute them live on TV during you debate and say, "Vote for me, I'll clear out the debt in the city!" and everyone cheers!

You say "Buddy, I need to talk to you about something."
You explain that you've had a change of heart. You decide to run for Congress instead of President.
"I'm sorry Buddy," you say, "But I'm gonna need you to put the city back the
 way it was. I want you to bring back the elves and the rainbows and the happy days."
Buddy says "Sure buddy, I can do that."
And you say, "I love you Buddy."

You turn away and murmur to yourself, "I hate you all and I will steal all your money after my term."

Buddy says, "Well, you're gonna have to break up with America first. I'll let you know when I've finished."
You say, "Fine."
Buddy says "Now, go home and wait for me."

Next time on "House of Cards":

After you've had sex with your ex-girlfriend, you realize that you are going to have to kill her. She is blackmailing you because she knows how much you like getting ass fucked by women.