EP 424 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 424, Story On By Chief 

You are Starving Steve, a very hungry guy who's not thinking right. You're feeling so loopy that after buying 100 chicken-nuggets and 10 buckets of fries, you throw the food in the garbage bin. A moment later, you dive into the garbage bin in a desperate attempt to save your food. You're so tired that you pass-out. When you wake up, you're in the garbage dump. You look at the garbage man and ask, "Where's my food?"
 He answers: "I don't know what you're talking about." Then he takes off running from you as fast as his legs can carry him.
Your next destination is the grocery store. As you enter, a sign on one of the shelves reads: “No Hungering!

As you try in vain to suppress your hungering you quickly go to the 12 items or less lane and buy a candy bar. In line in front of you is Jared the Garbage King. Jared eyes you suspiciously through goggles.
 "Hey," says Jared, "you got any food?” You answer: "Yes." Jared asks: "How much?" You say: "One hundred dollars worth." Jared looks at you incredulously and replies: "What the fuck?!

You watch Jared rush over and hit the "Hungering detected" button that sets off an alarm.  In now time at all a Garbage Truck with an illuminati Logo plastered all over shows up to the grocery store with men looking for you.
 They drag you out of the store and toss you in the back of their truck. Your cell phone rings. It's your mom. She tells you that she was worried sick about you because her car broke down.

The Illuminati guard takes out a greasy fast food paper bag and says "hold still" as he places it over your head. You drive for hours and lose all sense of direction.
 Finally you stop in a small town and get out of the truck. The guards take you into the local jail. Inside the building they strip you naked and tie you up. After a few minutes, two large black guys come in.
 One has a tattoo of an eye on his face and the other has a giant cross hanging around his neck. They untie you and feed you some mystery meat while telling you how bad you've been eating lately.

You ask the tattooed black man "what do you see with that third eye?"
 He replies: "I'm the Devil!" You tell him: "That's impossible. I'm not a Christian." He laughs and says: "Then why are you wearing a cross?" You reply: "Because my mother made me wear it."

You finish your meat and ask, "That was great, what did I just eat?"
 He replies: "It was human flesh." You say: "But...I didn't kill anyone..." He says: "Yeah, but you were going to. That's what makes it so good."

You ask for seconds.
 He tells you that you have to pay for them. You say: "Fine. How much?" He says: "$100.00." You laugh and give him $100. He hands you the money and says: "Here's your change."

As the days pass in your cell, you become more and more addicted to the taste of human flesh. you level up and gain the following cannibalism powers:

Cannibalism Level 1 - You will turn into a wild animal when you are hungry enough.
Cannibalism Level 2 - You will be able to control animals when you are hungry enough.

You channel your powers and fight the urge to eat people meat. your stomach begins to growl.
 You realize that you must either eat someone or die. You decide to make a deal with the devil. You ask the devil if he would let you eat a person every day. The devil agrees.

You channel your powers and fight the urge to eat people meat. your stomach begins to growl.
 You realize that you must either eat someone or die. You decide to make a deal with the devil. You ask the devil if he would let you eat a person every day. The devil agrees.

The devil says "I grant you another boon, when you eat the flesh of another, you gain some of their power."

You say "I want to eat people." The devil says "Go ahead, you'll be the most powerful being in the world."
You devour the first victim. Immediately you feel the power surge through your body.

You realize that you have become super powerful, but the catch is
 that you can only use your powers for 24 hours after eating the flesh of a person. After the 24 hour period you begin to weaken and eventually die.
After several days of this you decide to break your deal with the devil.

You eat a bus full of kids and fight the devil with the power of 37 souls.
 You defeat the devil and destroy him forever. You become the new ruler of the world.
You walk through the streets of your city and see a group of people praying to a statue of Jesus.

You eat the Jesus statue.

You look at the people who prayed to Jesus and you notice that they have a different glow than normal. You feel a strange sensation in your stomach, then you hear the sound of thousands of people screaming.

On the next episode of "Starving Steve in The Quest for Peace":

* * *
You walk into the local Walmart and see a woman shopping. She has long blonde hair and a nice figure. As she walks past you, you notice her breasts. You stare at them for a moment, before turning away.