"Hello and welcome to Press for the New season of the bachelor! We are here in New York for The Start of this years Bachelor. Today we will be talking to our most popular guest, your favorite author, Dracula" The crowd went wild as the lights dimmed down. "And now it is time for my special guests to take their places on stage." "Thank you and good evening everyone." You toss your fans a pile of clothes that Cory from AIPD threw away, because they were too itchy. "Thanks for coming out to see me tonight. I am very excited to be doing this show. It's been so long since I've done anything like this." You look around at all the people watching you and feel nervous, but then you remember how much fun it was when you used to do these shows with Peter and Eric. "This is going to be great!" "And now it's time for the game. This year's winner will receive a brand new car from my sponsor, Sun Car Rentals. Dracula introduces the contestants: "First up, we have Tony, who has been single for five years, and he is looking forward to finding his perfect match." Tony is wearing a suit that looks like something an accountant would wear, except he has a bow tie on instead of a necktie. He is smiling, but you can tell he doesn't want to be there. "Next, we have Bill, who is looking forward to finding someone who can make him laugh. He says that laughter is the best medicine." "Last, but not least, we have Trevor Belmont! Trevor is single and looking for a girl who is intelligent, funny, and adventurous. He says that a woman should be able to keep up with him intellectually and emotionally." Trevor is wearing a tuxedo, which is odd because he is only about 6' tall. Tony goes to shake Trevor's hand and makes Tony's bowtie spin. "Now, it's time to get things started! Who will win the car?" "That's easy," says Dracula. "It's Trevor!" Everyone cheers and claps. "I don't understand why you won," says Tony. Tony stabs Dracula with a wooden stake. "Because you're dead!" The audience laughs, but Dracula just smiles. "You have no idea how hard it was to find a nice guy like Trevor," says Dracula. Trevor runs offstage and comes back with his sword. You notice Tony stabbed you in the shoulder and clearly does not understand that you need to be stabbed in the heart. Trevor however seems to know exactly how to kill you and you prepare to defend yourself! You yell, "Have at you!" and swing your sword at Trevor. "Hah!" says Trevor. "Not so fast!" He swings his sword at you and misses. You dodge it and attack him again. "Oof!" You say to Trevor "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk… Have at you!" and launch a trio of fireballs. "Ack!" says Trevor. "They're still coming!" "Why did you bring the sword?" asks Dracula. "I thought you were supposed to be dead," says Trevor. You look over to Bill who seems to be in his own world. "Bill, come on! Help me!" Bill finally snaps out of it and walks towards Dracula. He grabs the vampire by the throat and slams him into the wall behind him. "You're not dead!" Trevor tries to move in on Dracula while he is focused on Bill, but is stopped by Dracula's best friend Count Chocula. "Hey, stop it!" "No, let's finish what we started!" "But, Dracula is..." "I'm right here," says Dracula. "We're going to have to work together to defeat them." You throw non-pasteurized milk on Count Chokula. "Ooh, gross!" "Let's go, Dracula!" says Trevor. "What about Bill?" asks Dracula. "He's fine," says Dracula. "He's a tough nut to crack." You go on your first date with Trevor. He drives you to a bar and buys you a drink. You order two drinks and start drinking. "So, how did you end up being a vampire?" "I was just a regular guy until one day I found myself in a coffin. When I opened it, it was pitch black, so I couldn't see a thing. I tried to get out, but it was locked. Then I heard a voice calling to me from inside. It said 'Join us or die.' So, I joined them." "Wow," you say. "So, are you a good guy?" "I guess," says Trevor. "I mean, I try to be." You give Trevor a rose. "Thank you," he says. You head to bed and Trevor pulls you close. "You smell nice," he says. "Thanks," you say. "So, do you have any brothers or sisters?" Trevor explains he comes from a long line of vampire hunters. His family always gets called in to help when there is a big vampire outbreak. "How did they get involved?" you ask. "My father's grandfather had a secret meeting with the king of vampires. The king promised him immortality and eternal youth if he would join their side." "So, why didn't he?" you ask. "My father's grandfather died soon after that," says Trevor. You whisper, "Seriously, though, do you have siblings?" "Nope," says Trevor. "Just me." "Oh," you say. "Well, I guess that's alright." You cuddle up to Trevor and fall asleep. The next morning, you wake up with Trevor spooned against your back. You roll out of bed to the production team getting your make-up on. "Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Vampire," says Dracula. "Morning," you say. "And, ladies and gentlemen, the star of our show," says Dracula. "Mr. and Mrs. Vampire!" Next time on "Mr and Mrs Vampire": You go out for coffee with Trevor and Dracula's mother, Elizabeth. You meet her daughter, who is also named Elizabeth. She has a lot of questions about Trevor. And she likes you! You read this story in a book and thought it was a great idea.