EP 420 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 420, Story On By Chief

You are Termit Fhe Krog, a wealthy CEO and Kermit the Frog's brother. You own Toadmitt Incorporated, a group of chain stores which specialize in selling clothing to reptiles and amphibians. You are sitting inside of your house when you suddenly hear a sound. You move to the source of the noise, but then you stop. You try to recall the past, and you remember that you are called Termit Fhe Krog because
 you were born with two tails.
The door is flung open and your wife, Malena, walks into the room. She looks at you strangely, as if she can see right through to your tail.

Malena tells you there is a problem with the main store:
 The frogs are rioting. They want more money for their clothes. There has been an uprising! You sit down on the couch and Malena says she will go handle it. Then she leaves.

Your wife comes back with an An unlocked movers' truck that's filled with Cory from AIPD's clothes. She says "This is our product line, with 100% profit!"
 You look over the clothes and they are all brightly colored, bright yellow and green, with patterns and designs. You ask her how much she wants for them and she says "Oh, I'll give you a deal.
 Take these three dresses and this jacket for $10 each."
You say "I don't have that kind of money" and she says "Then take the whole lot. It's worth about $100.

You go to your bedroom to get $100.00 and take it from your wife's safe.
 You return to the living room where Malena is packing up the clothes. She says "Termit, I think we should leave now." You say "Where are we going?" and she says "We're leaving the country."

You throw a dart at the map and take a trip with Malena to the country of
 Nhora. The two of you arrive at a town and head to the local store. The owner welcomes you and says "Welcome, sirs. How may I help you?"
You tell him you need some new clothes.

You notice the fashion of Nhora is very different from home.  Here people wear
 lots of layers and the colors are dark and muted. He asks what kind of clothes you want and you say "I'm looking for something simple. Something comfortable. Maybe like this?"
He looks at you strangely and says "This is not my business.

You ask "what kind of clothes do could you make? A hat? a Skirt?" and the man says loudly "Hats are banned in this village!"

Malena says "It's fine. We can buy whatever he makes."
The shopkeeper turns around and says "This isn't my business either!"
Malena says "Fine, then.

The shopkeeper tells you why Nhora has banned hats:
 "When we first came here, the queen decreed that no one was allowed to wear a hat. People started to steal them from the dead. And the thieves began to sell them. And so the ban was put in place.

You see an opportunity and open an underground black market hat shop in Nhora.

You know you are going to be rich. You buy up all the hats that are being smuggled out of Nhora and sell them for ten times their original price. Your customers love you!

You head to work at your black market underground hat factory, and on the way there see a publicly executed person wearing a tophat.
 You ask "Why is that guy wearing a hat?"
A guard says "Because he stole it from someone else."
You go into the building and find that it is filled with the most beautiful hats ever made.

You meet with the owner of the builder: Swiper, the nemesis of Nhora Tha Explora.
 He tells you that his factory is closed because he has lost money due to the hat ban. He says "But you're the only one who can save me. If you make hats again, I'll reopen my factory and I'll pay you twice as much."

You agree to Swiper and say, "It's time for a hat trick!"

You decide to make hats using the same technology as before. But this time, you use 3D printers to print the hats directly onto the heads of your customers. The hats are made of silk, and they are stunning.

Your machine works... sort of.  1 in 10 customers suffer horrific hat injuries when the machine sews the hat directly into their face or head.
 You tell the owner to fix it and he says "This won't be fixed. It's impossible. The machine doesn't work like that."
You try to convince him otherwise and he says "You're crazy.

You continue to use the dangerous machine until you get a surprising new customer: The Queen.
 She orders dozens of hats, and they are so gorgeous that you sell out of them in just two days.
You meet with the Queen again and she says "I've heard you have a problem making hats.

You watch as the Queen sits in the machine.  The first hat prints off with no problem.  You are sweating profusely; you know that if the Queen becomes disfigured you will be put to death.  10 hats later and no problem, wait shake uncontrollably as the last hat is printed on the Queen's head...

She looks at you and says "What's wrong with you?
You say "Nothing."
The Queen says "You're clearly terrified of something. What is it?"
You say "The hat."

The Queen turns to look at you and then she is horribly disfigured as her wrinkled skin is sucked up into the machine.

You scream and run away.
You escape from Nhora and find yourself back in New York City. You realize that you have a lot of money and you go to the bank to deposit it.

You stand in line and just as you are about to deposit your illicit earnings, you hear Prince Harry say, "The Queen thanks you for the hats..." and
 he walks past you.
You are confused and you turn around to see him walking towards the bank. He stops and turns to you and says "I don't understand why you didn't tell me that the Queen was coming to the bank.

Prince Harry sighs and shoots you in the face.

You die.
You wake up in the hospital and Malena is sitting by your bedside.
"Hey," she says.
You say 
nothing, because you are dead.

Malena says "I was thinking that maybe you should come home.

On the next episode of "The Crown":

You are alive!
You were shot in the face by Prince Harry, but you are still alive.
Malena says "I'm so glad you're okay.
You say "Me too."

Your Gravestone reads:

Here lies Malena D'Oro,
Who died after shooting the prince.
She was buried in a hole.
The End?
What do you think happened to Malena?