EP 419 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 419, Story On By Chief

James Bond was not a believer in ghosts. There were some strange occurrences, yes, but that did not mean anything supernatural or paranormal happened around him. He didn’t like it either way, and he had grown accustomed to being able to walk away from a "haunted" house.
 But now, for the first time, James Bond felt something very real, and he wanted to know what it was.
He closed his eyes and listened. It sounded as if someone were crying, but there was no one else around to cry.

James follows the sound to the basement and encounters
 an old woman standing by a furnace. She is dressed in rags and has her hair tied back in a bun. Her face is gaunt and lined with wrinkles, but she looks strong and healthy.

James gets closer, but it is clear this woman is not of this world.
 The woman speaks to him, but he can only understand half of what she says.
The woman tells him about the fire, and how they could have saved everyone except for her husband. The woman is clearly distraught at this, and begs James to save them all.

The only lady points at the furnace and asks "please save my husband"
 and then falls down dead.
James reaches out to touch her and feels nothing.
Bond stands up and heads back upstairs. He knows what he saw was real, but it doesn't make any sense.

You find a crate full of Tinned Spag Bol and rub your hands together at the fantastic meal you know you are having tonight.  As you pop the tab on your first can of spag bol, you are greeted by Garry Niehbor, the Cowboy riding Horse.

Garry takes a long pull from his beer bottle and looks at you with a smile. You look back at him and return the smile.
"So, where's your wife?" he asks.

You tell Garry you are not married and if anything you are married to your work.

"Well, I'm sure she'll be along soon," he says. "I've got some great news for her."
"Oh really? What might that be?"
Garry leans forward and lowers his voice.

Gary whispers, "Cory from AIPD's handsome socks..." and you lean in for a kiss.

As you lock lips, you feel something warm running down your thigh.
When you open your eyes, you see Cory staring at you, smiling.
"We're married," you say, laughing.

You hear the cackling of the old woman from earlier and by the time you realize where you are at, it is too late.  You are in the furnace and it is about to turn on.  You quickly look around for a ghostly husband and see
You reach out to touch him, but feel nothing.
You hear the sound of crying again, and this time it sounds like it is coming from above you. You look up and see the old woman floating over you.

The old woman cackles as she sprinkles a foul powder on you.

"It burns! It burns!" she cries.
You try to get away, but she pushes you into the furnace.
The furnace turns on and begins to heat rapidly.

You quickly remember your array of spy gadgets:

You grab the remote control for the fireplace and push the button.
The flames go out immediately.
You hear the old woman cackle.
You throw the gas ring on the floor and the gas comes out of the valve.

You spray the old woman right in the face with a load of gas.  You get a safe distance away and blow her away with a big flaming ball of gas!

The old woman is sent flying, and lands in the water below.
You hear the crying again.
You look up and see the old woman floating above the water.
"Please help me," she says.

You reach into your coat pocket and pull out another spy gadget, a
 miniaturized transceiver.
You press the button and speak into the microphone.
"Help me!"
The old woman floats above the water, crying.
"What do you want me to do?"

You say, "Not you... her!" And Q crashes through the ceiling with the perfect ghost hunting weapon British engineering could possibly come up with:
 a flamethrower.
The old woman is sent flying, and lands in the water below.
Q laughs, and shoots the old woman with a burst of flame.
She screams as she is engulfed in fire, and you hear her cry "It burns!"

Next time on "007: Ghost Hunter":
 You're going to need a bigger flamethrower.
- 007 -
You hear the crying again, and this time it sounds like it is coming from above you.
You look up and see the old woman floating over you.