EP 419 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 419, Story On By Chief

Sammi is a Famous Rockstar . He’s known to millions of people across the world, his face plastered everywhere. When he gets interviewed on the news it always starts off with him being asked about what life was like when he was in Guantanamo Bay for Possession of Drugs. His answers always seem to be vague.
 Sammi doesn't really want to talk about that time period at all. It's not exactly something he wants to remember or dwell upon. In fact, there are days where he wishes he could just forget everything and start over again as if none of this ever happened.

You get a call from your agent saying "I have six interviews lined up for you today!"
 You think nothing of it until she tells you one of them will take place inside the infamous “Pentagon Prison Camp” located in Cuba. Your heart sinks as you realize how much trouble you've gotten yourself into now.

You put on Cory from AIPD's captivating sweatshirt and despite your better judgement head to do the interview with Fox New's new MTV-Clone:
 Sammi. As soon as you walk through the door you can feel eyes burning holes in your back. Cameras flash incessantly and reporters hurl questions at you while their assistants record every word you say.

You let out a "Man, this sucks!" as you fall into your chair and put on your shades.
 The cameras stop rolling and suddenly everyone is quiet. There are only two other people in the room besides you and Sammi. One of them is an older man who looks like he might be the camp commander.

You say, "You in the orange shirt, come here often?"

The old guy laughs and says, "No! I'm not a fan of the music."
"Cool," you say. "So what brings you here today? Did you hear about our recent controversy involving Sammi?"

He shakes his head no and asks, "What's going on with Sammi?"
You look around nervously and then answer him, "Well... we were filming some scenes for a video game called 'Sammy's Island' and Sammi got caught with drugs in his possession."

The camp commander goes red in the face.  He screams, "I hate them damn devil worshipin heathens!  If I was president, I would toss all people like Sammi into horrible jails just like this!"

You ask him, "Do you know anything about the drug ring that's operating out of Guantanamo Bay?"
He looks at you suspiciously and says, "Why you wanna know?"
You smile at him and say, "Because my job is to find out what's happening in the world and
 expose any secrets the government may have been hiding. That's why I'm here. So tell me about this drug ring."
He shrugs his shoulders and says, "Nothin' to brag about.

You pull a folder of documents from beneath your seat cushion and say "Is this you in this photo smuggling drugs in the anus's of prisoners, which you then sell back to them?"

He grunts and says, "Yup."
You show him the picture of Sammi.
He scoffs and says, "That's not me. And I ain't never smuggled drugs in no prisoner's ass.
 I'm too busy with my duties as a soldier to be messing with that shit."
You say, "How about this one?" You show him another picture of Sammi with a gun pointed at his head.

The camp commander finally put it together.  The camp commander was a prison guard at Guantanamo Bay when Sammi was imprisoned there and now Sammi is back for revenge.  Sammi pulls out an electric guitar shaped like a battle axe, plays a sweet chord, and kicks the camp commander into the most savage cell block in the prison.  The camp commander is torn to shreds by the vengeful prisoners!

You ask the camp commander, "Do you know anyone else involved in the drug ring?"
He points at the camera and says, "Fuck you!"
You laugh and say, "You're right.
 Fuck me!"
The director yells, "Cut! Cut! What the fuck is wrong with you people?! We need to see some more emotion out of you guys! You're supposed to be angry!

You continue to play and awesome riff from your number one hit metal song:
 "You Suck Sammi!"
The camp commander is so enraged he tears his shirt off and throws it at you.
You laugh and say, "Thanks!"
He continues to rip his pants off and reveal a pair of underwear made from the finest Cuban silk.

A loud whistle comes from the prison cells at the sight of the commanders underwear.

You laugh again and say, "What's the deal with those panties?"
He grabs the microphone and shouts, "The deal is, they're mine! I'm the only person allowed to wear them!"

You rip off the silk underwear and strut saying, "ooooooh I'm the commander, I wear silk underwear!"

The camp commander tries to grab the mic but you push him away and continue to sing, "Sammi's in love with me!"
The camp commander falls to the ground screaming, "No!
 No! I'm not gay! I'm straight as an arrow!"
You stand over him and scream, "Yes you are! You love Sammi!"
He screams, "No! I don't!

You play an awesome guitar riff and all of the cell doors open.

The prisoners drag the camp commander out of the building and beat him to death with his own electric guitar.
Everyone in the room starts laughing hysterically.
You jump up and down and yell, "Oh my God!
 This is the best day ever!"
The director yells, "Cut! Cut! That was terrible! I want to see more anger and less sex! It's too much sex! I'm sick of watching men get naked and hump each other!

Next time on "Locked Up with Sammi":
 Sammi and the boys are still locked up and Sammi has discovered a way to escape her cell! She will use the magic of love to defeat all of the guards!
It's almost Christmas and Sammi's family is coming to visit her at the military prison.