EP 418 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 418, Story On By Chief

While driving down a dark country road, you notice a ghost icon on your car's console display. You have no idea what it means.
 It seems to be an emergency call from the dead driver of your vehicle. After some quick thinking and several swerves, you finally arrive at the scene of this mysterious accident only to find that there is nothing left for you here but silence...

Your car honks on its own and beckons you to an opening in the nearby woods.
 The trees are still wet with morning dew as they brush against your hood like long black fingers. A single path leads into their depths where the cool mist drifts around you like silent whispers. There is something about this place…
You step out onto the forest floor and immediately see why everyone calls these
 woods “the Old Forest”: The ground beneath your feet feels ancient, almost alive. Ancient and wild and full of secrets. Secrets such as how to get home again. Your car waits patiently for you at the edge of the trees while you explore the forest's hidden paths.

You notice something unsettling hanging from nearby tree branch: it is Cory from AIPD's speedo.
 He has been stripped naked and hung up by his ankles like a dirty rag doll. His eyes stare blankly at you as if he were dead or worse. As you draw closer, you hear him moan softly;
 but then you realize that his moans are not coming from within himself but rather from somewhere else entirely. They are being emitted from the very trees themselves! And now that you look closely, you can see them moving — swaying back and forth like a living thing, moaning in unison.

The trees begin to sway harder and you hear them start to uproot and walk.
 One after another, the trees move toward you and lift their branches high above your head. Then suddenly, the entire forest begins to rise off the ground and spin around you like a tornado. You grab hold of one of the nearest trees and hang on for dear life.

You are slapped across the face by Cory's speedo. It's still wet.
 The smell of sex is heavy in the air. Cory's eyes stare at you with lust and hunger. But even though he looks ready to devour you whole, his body doesn't move. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot touch you.

You convince Cory that you will get him whatever he wants to eat if he can somehow stop the tree tornado.  Cory nods and begins to chant:
 "I am hungry! I am hungry! I want to eat some pussy!"
His voice booms through the trees, vibrating the leaves and causing the trees to dance faster. You watch helplessly as Cory is lifted off the ground and thrown into the air.

You and Cory and the Ghost Driver are launch far away, but manage to land in a comically large pile of leaves.
 As you lie there laughing at your own foolishness, you hear the sound of a car horn behind you. It is your car, honking at you to come help. You scramble to your feet and run back to your vehicle.

You share a too warm radiator hug with your car and get slightly burned.
 Once inside, you turn the ignition key and drive off into the night. You laugh all the way home.
* * *
Sandra was sitting in her office when she heard the noise outside.

You watch as your car courts Sandra.
 She smiles and waves at you from her window. You pull up alongside her and honk the horn. She waves again and opens her door.
"Hi," you say.
"Hello," says Sandra.

Your car's passenger doors open and flap suggestively, beckoning Sandra.

She steps into your car and closes the door behind her. Her breasts bounce enticingly against the seatbelt clasp.
"Where are we going?" asks Sandra.
"It's a surprise," you say.

Your car drives to the bounciest road it knows and you and the card enjoy Sandra's bouncing breasts.

* * *
As you sit alone in your car, the sun rises over the horizon. You feel the warmth of the rising rays on your skin and the heat of the engine warming your legs.

Sandra rolls the car window and pokes her head out from inside and yells "I need a cigarette."

You pull into the parking lot of the local gas station. You both wait in the car while Sandra goes into the store.
When Sandra returns, you offer her a smoke. She accepts and you light up.

You decide that the car deserves a cigarette as well for a good night of sex.  You toss a lit cigarette into the car's gas tank.  It explodes and the explosion chain reacts with the gas station into and even bigger explosion.

The blast knocks you down and throws you against the hood of the car.
You try to get up but your legs are shaking so much that you fall back to the pavement. You hear Sandra screaming inside the burning wreck of your car.

You try to put out the flames with a gun that shoots bullets that spawn eggs when they explode; the eggs that are spawned from the bullets contain baby cars; the baby cars bash into each other and that's how they breed.

You finally make it to your feet and stumble away from the burning wreckage of your car. You look back just once as you leave the scene of the accident.
The car is gone. There is nothing left but a blackened hole in the ground and the smell of gasoline.