EP 417 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 417, Story On By Chief

You are 
The Candyman. You can do anything because you mix It with love
taste good. But first you need to track down It and subdue him.
 I'm sure he's in this city somewhere, maybe even hiding inside one of these houses." She pointed at a row of identical brick buildings that stood side by side like an army of dolls. "He's been here before;

 he knows how to hide from us."
"Where?" Kail asked as they walked past the last house on their left. A small boy was sitting on top of his bike, trying to repair something with a screwdriver.

You ask the boy if he has seen It.
 He says no, but then you know what happens when people lie: They get bored. That means we have to take things into our own hands and start asking questions ourselves. We'll find out where It lives."

You see Cory from AIPD's pants which has Tony's hair in the pockets.
 You pull them open, yank out Cory's head, and stuff it into your mouth so that only his eyes remain visible. You chew slowly and savor every moment. Then you spit him onto the street.

You hop in your van full of delicious candy.
 Your name is Cordelia B. Larken. You're not really named after any great hero or heroine. Just a random girl who got caught up in all this shit. As far as names go, you prefer Cordelia.

You drive your van to a nearby werewolf bar mitzvah -- spooky, scary.
 After you park, you walk around back to the garbage cans. You look for stray bits of meat, but there aren't many. Not much food gets thrown away at a party like this. Too expensive.

You put on your wolfskin disguise and walk into the bar mitzvah.
 There are kids everywhere. Teenagers mostly. Some older guys too. They don't seem scared of you yet. Maybe because you've never done anything to them before. You don't want anyone thinking about what happened with Tony.

You mosey over to the buffet line and chat up a kosher werewolf.
 He tells you that he's having trouble finding someone who will do him right. Seems like everyone wants to be the new alpha, but they keep messing it up. So he needs some help figuring out how to control his urges.

You ask, "who was the previous Alpha?" and the werewolf points to the corner of the ballroom where a very obese and very dirty werewolf sits.  His name is:
 "Sigmund Freud."
You laugh and say, "Freud? What kind of crazy name is that?"
The werewolf says, "He was a famous psychiatrist. I think he invented the whole idea of psychoanalysis."

You walk up and ask Sigmund Freud the Werewolf if he can help you find It.

"It?" asks Sigmund.
You nod and smile. "I'm looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him?"
"No," says Sigmund. "But maybe you should try talking to another werewolf."

You sit down, determined to get Sigmund to help you.  "I need your help finding Pennywise.  Throw me a bone, please!"

Sigmund looks confused. "Pennywise?"
You tell him about Pennywise, the clown who killed Tony and made your life miserable. You also tell him that you need to find It and stop It from killing more people.

Sigmund laughs, but he doesn't seem scared. "Well, let's see what we can do."
You leave the ballroom and find the bathroom. You lock the door behind you and turn on the light.

You turn on a tracker device with a faint green blip on the screen.  Pennywise is in the convention center!  You see the dot getting closer and closer to you.  You quickly flick off the light and hide in one of the bathroom stalls.

You hear a voice from outside the stall. "Hey, Cordelia. Do you have a minute?"
You recognize the voice immediately. You peek out of the stall and see Pennywise standing in front of you.
 He's wearing a yellow suit and a red hat. He's holding a white cane.
"Hello, Cordelia," says Pennywise. "How's everything going?"
"What do you want?"
 You ask.
Pennywise shrugs and says, "I'm just here to offer you a job."
You snort and say, "A job? Why would I want a job from you?"

Pennywise says, "Because I am the new Alpha."
You laugh and say, "You? The new Alpha? You're nothing but a fat old werewolf who likes to dress up like a clown."

You invite Pennywise back to your candy van for dirty van makeup sex.

You grab the handle of your van and pull open the door. You jump inside, slam it shut, and throw yourself against the steering wheel. You scream, "Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU!"

Bees erupt from your chest and attack Pennywise.
 You grab a handful of bees and hold them tight against his face. He screams and runs away. You follow him.
You run through the convention center, past a crowd of teenagers and into a hallway.

The bees are attracted to the greasy werewolves and become enraged.
 They swarm all over the werewolves and devour them. You watch in horror as the werewolves start eating each other.
You realize you've been tricked. You feel sick and disgusted. You decide to head back to your van.

Next time on "The Candyman Chronicles: Chapter 2":

"Help me, Pennywise. Help me, help me, help me..."
This is the story of Cordelia's transformation into a werewolf.
Cordelia is an ordinary human girl living in New York City.