You are Engorge Lucas, creator of Star Wars and science experiment gone wrong. When you sold Star Wars to Disney, you trusted that they would be good stewards of the franchise. Then The Last Jedi happened. Filled with rage, you seek out Rian Johnson so you can absorb him into your body along with everyone else responsible. Even The Mouse himself! You have one job: make sure no more bad movies happen in this universe ever again. But when he refuses, what do you do? Why...you stuff his mouth full of cum. And then force feed it down his throat until he chokes on all that hot sticky seed. You notice in the corner of Rian Johnson's trailer is a pile of Cory from AIPD's clothes that are covered in gasoline. Your anger flares as you remember how she helped him escape after shooting her in the face with a gun filled with holy water. She was supposed to die but somehow survived. Maybe some kind of miracle or maybe just because she has an angel watching over her. You listen to Rian Johnson beg for another chance. You are highly skeptical, but you are intrigued to see if he can right his wrong. While chained up in a dungeon in your house, you force Rian Johnson to completely rewrite The Last Jedi to your satisfaction. He will never get away with anything like that again. Rian Johnson's hands tremble uncontrollably as he reads the words that appear on the screen before him. "I am sorry." He whispers as he rewrites the last scene of The Last Jedi where Rey and Finn were about to kiss . Instead, they embrace each other lovingly as the credits roll. "There," you say. "That's better." The new version of The Last Jedi begins to play. It starts off exactly the same way. Engorge shakes with rage and pulls the sledgehammer from beneath the bed, and swing it at Rians ankle, shattering it. "You know you fucking deserve this" you scream. Rian Johnson is terrified, but you are too angry to care. You grab him by the neck and lift him off his feet, choking him with your thick fingers around his windpipe. You throw Rian to the ground and tell him to try again. Rian Johnson tries to subvert you expectations in the following ways: He changes Rey's name to "Jenny". He makes Finn not kill Kylo Ren. He gives Snoke a human form. You don't care. You will accept nothing less than the original ending. You can feel Rians Idiocy begin to poison your mind. Suddenly you can remember what you really want. What you need. You let go of Rian Johnson's neck and drag him back to his trailer. You push him inside and lock the door behind him. Then you turn on the gas. You tell Rian to pitch you a movie quickly before you both die from the gas. Rian Johnson rattles off the following movie pitches: A tale of two brothers who team up to defeat a supernatural entity. An epic space opera with a female lead. A musical comedy about a nerdy protagonist. You laugh hysterically at these ridiculous ideas. You scream at Rian, "GIVE ME A SPECIFIC IDEA WITH A LIKEABLE LEAD CHARACTER WHO ALSO MAYBE HAS SOME ISSUES IN THEIR LIFE!" "Well..." Rian Johnson says hesitantly. "How about a movie about the origins of the universe?" "No," you say dismissively. "A movie about a family that moves into a haunted house?" "No." "A movie about a woman who gets a tattoo and discovers she is actually a robot?" "No." "A horror movie about a man who is trapped in a maze made of mirrors and must fight for his life against a ghost?" "No." "A movie about a group of scientists who discover a portal to another dimension and accidentally send their entire civilization through?" "Yes." "You know what?" you say. You tell Rian Johnson you have the rights to the Stargate and you greenlight Rian Johnson to make a Stargate movie. You sit down in front of your computer and start writing a treatment for the film. You have Rian Johnson rewrite the script while you type out the storyboard. You tell Rian Johnson to take a week to write the screenplay and then you will decide if he is worthy of being a member of the Star Wars family. Rian Johnson sits in the corner of your trailer for a week, writing the first draft of the script. When you are done, you read it. It sucks. You amass your fortune and hire James Gunn to revive the Star Wars franchise. James Gunn tells you that he needs to see a rough cut of the movie before he decides if he wants to direct. You watch the movie with James Gunn. James Gunn cries when he sees the movie. You whimper out a "tears of joy?" James Gunn grabs you by the throat and throws you to the floor. "I am so sorry I ever listened to you," he screams. You are taken away in chains. Your last thought before your execution is "Rian Johnson better fix this." You are in the stockades in front of the cast of the new James Gunn movie and about to be publicly executed when all of the sudden in rushes Rian Johnson screaming, "I've done it! I've got a script that will save the Stars Wars franchise!" You look at the script and it is titled: The Last Jedi. You smile. You grab Rian Johnson by the throat and drag him to your cell. You shove him inside and lock the door. You pull out the script and read the opening scene. Rey and Finn are standing together on the beach as a storm rages above them. They hold hands and gaze into each other's eyes. You know the ending. You know what you need to do. Full penetration. You open the door and drag Rian Johnson into your cell. You shut the door and lock it. You strip Rian Johnson naked and fuck him senseless. After Rian Johnson cums you grab his head and ram his face into the pillow. Next on "The Last Jedi": Rian Johnson has been busy. First he made a new Star Wars movie. Then he wrote a sequel to Return of the Jedi. Now he's working on a third one.
EP 416 – Story #1
Posted under Episode 416, Story On By Chief