YOU HAVE BEEN HACKED! ENTER YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION NOW: The message appeared in the center of her vision. She blinked, then closed her eyes and shook her head to clear it. The message disappeared. “What?” Abel said. You call the Nigerian Prince and tell him you think that he has sold you a faulty eye implant. The Nigerian Prince says it was intentional and now he has your vision held for randsom. He will be calling back in two hours. You have one hour to pay up or your eyesight will go forever. She turned away from the screen, suddenly nauseous. “Oh my God. You try to raise money to pay the ransom. You get $500 from an anonymous donor who tells you not to contact them again. They want their money back. But when you give them their money they send it all to the Nigerian Prince. You decide to travel to Nigeria, find the prince -- and eliminate him. You make arrangements with your girlfriend to stay at her house while you are gone. Your girlfriend is worried about you, but she thinks you are going on a business trip. You fly to Lagos, where you meet with the Nigerian Prince. Just as you are face to face with the Nigerian Prince, your vision turns to 100% ads. You cannot see anything! You hear the Prince laugh. He says he knows what happened and now he can sell his information to other people. He says he will be in touch. He hands you a card. On the back of the card there is a phone number. You dial the number, and it is a commercial. You hang up. You look around. There are no windows. The only light comes from the television set. You realize that you are blind. You try to reach out to the wall. It takes you hours to find the phone and scroll through your contacts to the right person, but you finally call The Scammer Formerly Known As Prince. You say, ‘I need to speak with the Nigerian Prince.’ The man says, ‘There is no Nigerian Prince. I am the Nigerian Prince.’ And he hangs up on you. You visit the Nigerian bazaar and assemble the following team to assassinate the prince: Your girlfriend – you trust her. Your ex-girlfriend – you trust her. A friend from high school – you trust her. An old colleague from work – you trust her. You meet with your team and say, "Look at all this poop I found!" You hand them each a plastic bag. They ask, ‘Where did you get these?’ You say, ‘From the Nigerian Prince.’ Your girlfriend says, ‘How do we know it isn’t from a dog? You analyze the poop and determine he eats every day at the only Mexican restaurant in town. You have your team assemble inside the restaurant. You order tacos, burritos, enchiladas, churros, nachos, salsa, guacamole, cheese, beans, refried beans, rice, queso, chips, tortilla chips, and salsa. You see the prince enter the restaurant. You wave him over to your table. You say, ‘Hey, how are you doing today?’ The Nigerian Prince says, ‘I am not Nigerian.’ You say, ‘Well, what do you eat every day? ’ The Nigerian Prince says, ‘I don’t eat.’ You say, ‘Well, what do you drink every day?’ The Nigerian Prince says, ‘I don’t drink. You trick the prince into telling the truth about himself. You say, ‘So, let me guess, you are Nigerian, but you are not really Nigerian. You are actually from Nigeria, but you are not really from Nigeria.’ The Nigerian Prince says, ‘Yes. ’ You say, ‘Why did you pretend to be Nigerian?’ The Nigerian Prince says, ‘I wanted to become rich.’ You say, ‘But you are already rich. Your team has been recording the entire conversation. You use the tape to blackmail the prince into removing the ads from your eyes. You say, ‘Now, you have to do something for us. We want you to remove the ads from our eyes too. You say, ‘And why would I do that? ’ You say, ‘Because if you don’t, we will release the tape to the media. And then everyone will know that you are not really Nigerian, and they will think you are a fraud. The Nigerian Prince removes the ads from your eyes and you in unison with your tell yell, "Check mate!" You feel relieved. You take the prince to the airport. You say, ‘See you next time.’ The Nigerian Prince says, ‘I will be back. Next time on "Prince Patrol": You decide to travel to Thailand. You meet with a Thai prince and agree to assassinate him. You hire a team of assassins, but the team doesn’t show up. You send another team, but they don’t show up either.