EP 414 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 414, Story On By Chief

Whilst investigating the death of The Town's mayor, a caring Private investigator called Ruth Gloop uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, solid Gold teapot . As soon as anyone uses the teapot, he or she has exactly 15 days left to live.
 A mysterious woman in black who calls herself "The Lady" offers to buy the teapot for $10,000, but when Ruth refuses her offer, the Lady threatens to kill him and his family if he doesn't sell it to her.

As The Lady threatens you, you get flashbacks to Nam and being deep in the jungle. You snap.
 You know that the only way to save your family is to give up the gold teapot. And you have to do it before midnight on December 31st, 2019.
You find the teapot hidden under a rock at the edge of town.

You give The Lady the teapot and wait 15 days.  On day 15, you pay a visit to the home of The Lady.
 She looks exactly the same as ever, but now she's wearing a wedding ring. You ask what happened to her husband, and she says he died last year from an illness. You ask why she married him, and she says he was the first man to make love to her after her transformation.

You ask, "What transformation?"  The Lady smiles and begins to transform into
 something else. First her hair turns white, then her face grows wrinkled and haggard, and finally her body becomes skeletal. As the transformation continues, her eyes turn red, her teeth grow long and sharp, and her nails become talons.

You exclaim, "A hag!"
 and try to run away. But she catches you and grabs you by the throat. You're choking. She throws you against the wall, knocking out two of your ribs. Then she begins to laugh.

You manage to crawl up to one of your severed ribs and chuck it at The Lady.
 It hits her in the face and she stops laughing. She picks you up and carries you to the door.
"What are you going to do with me?" You ask.
"Kill you," she says, opening the door.

Just as The Lady is about to through you into a pit of spikes, the golden teapot begins to rumble.  The Lady's 15 days are up and she is about to be taken by the monster summoned from the cursed teapot.

The Lady screams, "No! I won't let you have it!"
You say, "It's too late. I already gave it to her."
The Lady struggles against the teapot, but she can't stop it.

The lady is sucked down the spout of the teapot. The teapot burps and from the top comes Cory from AIPD's beautiful sweatshirt.

Cory's eyes widen and she screams, "I knew it!"
You try to explain, "It wasn't me. It was the teapot. It's a magical teapot that sucks people inside and burps them back out.

You reason with Cory "you must have so many cool sweatshirts. Surely I can have one of them?"

You try to grab the teapot, but it knocks you down and runs off.
Cory tries to follow it, but the teapot knocks her down and burps her out.

You are shocked to see the teapot spit out a
The baby cries, "I'm hungry."
You pick the baby up and hold him/her close. He/she seems happy.
"Thank you," you say.

You offer the baby a cup of tea from the golden teapot.

The baby takes the tea and drinks it all down.
"Oooooo," he/she says.
You offer the baby a second cup of tea.
The baby drinks it down and burps.

You say, "whoa fatty slow down!"

The baby burps again and burps again.
You ask, "what did you just drink?"
"Tea," the baby burps.
"What kind of tea?"

You realize the baby has just eaten the cursed teapot.  It burps up and you obtain Golden Tusk Golden Tea.

You offer the baby another cup of tea.
He/she drinks it down and burps.
You say, "wow that was fast."
The baby burps again and burps again.

The baby continues belching until it burps of a can of Golden Tusk Golden Tea. You crack open the can and begin to sing the song from the commercial " I'm a little teapot, Short and stout, Here is my handle Here is my spout When I get all steamed up, Hear me shout, Tip me over and pour me out!"

The baby giggles and burps.
You crack open another can of Golden Tusk Golden Tea and continue singing.
"I'm a little teapot, Short and stout, Here is my handle Here is my spout..."

You say "i'm brewing some more of that golden tea for you as you chug another can of tea" Your bladder begins to swell.

You burp, "Tip me over and pour me out!"
Your stomach swells, your head begins to spin and you fall down on the ground.
You awake in a field of flowers with a sun shining above you.

Next time on Ruth Gloop's Angels in the Outfield:

Ruth's Angels in the Outfield is brought to you by Golden Tusk Golden Tea.
For more information about this product please visit us at
* * *
From the Desk of Dr. Ruth Gloop
Dear Randy,
Congratulations on your recent promotion to Manager of the Year!
As you know, our company has recently gone through a merger with the local competitor.
 I understand that you were responsible for their acquisition, which is why I am writing to congratulate you.
While the deal will help our company, I must admit that it was not without its drawbacks.