EP 413 – Story #1

You are Bubba Tims. The Arkansas State Fair is on! With barely contained excitement, you approach the "We will deep fry anything" booth with a backpack full of experimental items. The first thing you pull out is a strange old jewelry box you stole from the "Church of the Old Ones" recruiting booth. As the attendant lowers it into the boiling oil, a blood-chilling scream echoes all around.
 You drop the jewelry box and run to see what's going on.
The hot oil is bubbling like crazy. A large black hand emerges from the oil and grabs the edge of the jewelry box.

You stare in horror as a leathery skinned figure emerges from the oil and pulls a suit from the jewelry box.
 It is wearing the suit and holding a revolver!
You're about to be killed when you hear the voice of your girlfriend, Susan. She has been watching from across the fairgrounds. "Bubba, don't let them kill you!"

You think intensely and exclaim to the leather man "Whenever I get scared, I pee and poop my pants."

He looks at you with wide eyes. Then he throws the jewelry box into the air and disappears back into the oil.
You can't believe your ears. "What did you say?"
Susan is shocked.

You take Susan to Jason's "Butter on a Stick " Stand and buy her a deep fried stick of butter.

"Thank you, Bubba," says Susan.
"I'm not sure that was such a good idea," you say.
She giggles and says, "Well, maybe I'll have some chocolate ice cream for dessert."

You are overtaken by Susan's girthathiousness and get on one knee and sings to her " I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I shit myself!"

Susan laughs so hard she falls off the curb.
Later that night you are walking down the street and look up to see a huge man floating above you. You scream and fall to the ground.

You notice the huge man is the leathery man from earlier that has increased in size.  You and Susan look at each other and decide to head home early.

"You know what would be great right now?" asks Susan.
"What?" you ask.
"A big bowl of deep fried butter," she replies.
You both laugh hysterically.

The leather man laughs and vomits up hot oil as he floats to the ground.
 He rises up again and screams, "When I get hungry, I eat people!"
You and Susan run away screaming.
* * *
So far we've had a couple of "normal" stories, a "weird" story, and a "gimmick" story.

You realize that Susan and the leatherman have one thing in common: an insatiable appetite.  You know what to do:
 use this to your advantage.
You go to the local grocery store and buy a carton of eggs.
Then you drive to the fairgrounds and park next to the "We will deep fry anything" booth.

You dump the entire container into the deep fryer.

The smell of frying eggs fills the air.
Suddenly there is a loud crash as the entire side of the booth collapses onto the egg carton.
The crowd screams and runs away from the booth as you grab Susan and run off.

Susan wriggles out your hands with her greasy physique, and starts stuffing boiling hot fried eggs into her maw.

You watch in horror as she chomps down on the eggs.
She stops and looks at you with a grin.
You start laughing.
She eats the last of the eggs and says, "Let's go to the Dairy Queen and get some ice cream."

You try to get away from Susan, but when she grabs your hand a sticky substance fuses your hands to one another.

You are now stuck together and unable to move.
Susan laughs as she licks the melted cheese off her fingers.
* * *
"That was awesome!" says Susan.
"Yeah," you reply.

You try to head home and call it a night, but are once again stopped by the leatherman who reaches out and hands you a
 revolver.
You stare at him in fear and he smiles evilly.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, boy," he says. "I just wanna play a little game."
You take the gun and point it at his chest.

You spin the cylinder and point it at susan and
 pull the trigger.
Nothing happens.
"Oh, I guess you don't have any bullets," he says.
"I have plenty of bullets," you say.
"Where?" he asks.

Susan perks up. "You've got Silver Bullets?!" and begins licking her lips.  You take the revolver and the box of silver bullets to the "We fry anything" stand.

You throw the empty revolver into the oil and grab a handful of silver bullets.
"What do you want me to do?" asks Susan.
"I want you to stand over there," you say.

You brace yourself and throw a handful of bullets into the fryer.

You hear the sound of a gunshot and the fire extinguisher goes off.
You turn around and see the leatherman holding a rifle aimed directly at you.
"Okay, I give up," you say.

"You're making a mistake," he says.
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," you say.
"No, I mean you're making a mistake!" he yells.

You drop-kick the fryer basket out of the fryer and onto the leathers mans leathery face.

He screams and drops the rifle.
You kick it away and grab Susan and run home.
You laugh all the way home as you tell Susan about your adventure.
"I think I need a bath," she says.

You say, "I think you need TWO baths."

* * *
It is a week later and you are still living with Susan.
You wake up in the middle of the night to find Susan sucking on your cock.
You moan and cum in her mouth.

Susan looks up at you from between your legs and says "MMM BUTTER!"

You laugh and she gives you a wet kiss.
She turns around and bends over the bed, her ass pointed right at you.
"I'm ready for more," she says.
You grab her hips and fuck her from behind.

Next time of the Food Networks "We Fry Anything":

You place a large order of French fries.
You also order a dozen extra large burgers and enough milk shakes to feed an army.
You pay for everything with cash and you drive away in your truck.

You go to the premiere of your adventure turned into a movie and look at the marquee and it says:

"A Boy and His Meat!"
You laugh as you head back to your apartment.
You tell Susan that you have a date with the girl from the video rental store.
She says, "Butter!