EP 411 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 411, Story On By Chief

please explain your Extreme Hatred for Birthday's and anything Birthday Related?
 You know how sometimes you'll be at a party or something with people who are all having fun and laughing together but it just seems like they're not really enjoying themselves. And then there's other times when everyone is having so much fun that you feel bad because you can't join in the laughter.

INTERVIEWER: No I'm happily married with children that love me.
 What do you mean by "Extreme Hate"?
JASON: Well, my hatred of birthdays comes from being born on one. It was an accident! My parents were going to have another baby and didn't want to wait until after their first child turned 1 year old.

And then the last straw, my present for my birthday was Cory's clothes which are covered in Tony's hair.
 He wanted to get them for me as soon as he could, but his father said no way. So instead he gave me Tony's shirt, pants, underwear, socks, shoes, and belt which had been worn by him for months.

INTERVIEWER: Well sorry to surprise you, but this is actually an intervention for your hatred of birthdays.  Now here is your friends and family!
 Let's hear what they have to say about birthdays.
(Cory, Mike, Mark)
MARK (sitting next to Jase): Hey man, thanks for coming over.

Jason realizes he is sitting in an ejection seat.  Mark hits the button to eject him.

MIKE: Sorry Jase we got carried away again. We forgot how serious this was. But seriously though, happy birthday buddy.
JASE: Thanks guys...I guess.
Mark hits the button to remove himself from the chair.

Mark flies through the TV studio roof.  The audience goes wild!

JASE: Man, I don't even remember why I hated birthdays. It was probably because of the stupid presents I always got. Like Tony's stuff. Or my mom saying she'd make me cake if I did good enough in school.

A surprise guest walks out on the stage:
 Mr. Peebles, Principal of Stoneybrook Elementary School.
MR. PEEBLES: Good evening folks. As many of you know, our district has recently received some national attention due to the fact that we have a principal whose name rhymes with 'bureaucrat.'

Jason directs Mr Peebles to sit in the ejection seat.  Mr Peebles complies and then Jason hits the button.

Mr. Peebles lands safely on the stage.  Jason turns off the machine.
PRINCIPAL: Thank you very much. This program will now return to normal programming.
The show cuts back to regular broadcasting.

INTERVIEWER: Welcome back to the show.  If you are just joining us, we have Jason here and he HATES birthdays.  Roll out the big birthday cake!

It is lunchtime and Jason and his gang are playing video games. They seem more like kids than teenagers.
JASON: Guys, I'm tired of playing these games.
 Can't we play something else?
MIKE: Sure dude! How about Monopoly or Parcheesi?
JASON: Okay, okay. I'll try anything once.
Mike and Cory start setting up the board game.

Jason plays with Cory and Mike, but starts to lose money in Monopoly very quickly.  Jason tries to use his birthday to guilt Cory into losing to him on purpose.

JASON: Look at it this way, you're getting me a present. You're gonna pay me $20 and then you can take all my money. That's only fair.
CORY: Dude, you're not supposed to do this.

Mike brings out the rule book that says bribery is strictly forbidden and any attempts to bribe another play results in an immediate loss.
  Cory reads the rules to Jason.
CORY: "Any attempt to bribe another player shall result in an instant and automatic loss."  See, this is what happens when you're not honest.

Jason sits alone in furious anger.  Flash forward to the present.
Interviewer: Wow... that explains a lot.
 Well, here's your friends and family.  Let's hear their thoughts on birthdays.
(Cory, Mike, Mark)
MARK: Hey Jase, thanks for coming over.

Jason goes into a rage.  He can't take all this birthday talk anymore and starts throwing chairs at the audience and screaming at the host.

INTERVIEWER: Oh dear, what's gotten into him?
Cory, Mike, and Mark run out of the studio.
Principal Peebles is being interviewed by a news reporter who has a microphone attached to her head.

REPORTER: What is the most important thing you have learned as principal of Stoneybrook Elementary School since taking over from your predecessor, Mr. Fenton?
PEEBLES: Well, I think the most important lesson is to be open-minded.

Suddenly a sharp birthday candle pierces Mr Peebles neck.  Jason runs away laughing maniacally.

The interview continues with the interviewer asking the same question to the remaining three guests.  The audience is cheering wildly.
INTERVIEWER: Well folks, there you have it.

Next time on TLC's "I HATE BIRTHDAYS":

Jason gets the last laugh.
And the winner of I Hate Birthdays is: Jason Bradley!
It was nice meeting you folks.
Thanks so much for watching our show.
I hope you enjoyed our episode of I hate birthdays.