EP 410 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 410, Story On By Chief

You are KyrilGrey, an Internet enigma and a generally cool man. You are at the bowling place. You're about to start your first throw but you hear a man shouting behind you. You turn around, and you see his face turn red with anger as he yells, "V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!" You frown in confusion and, as you approach the man, one of his two friends looks up at you. The man, who has blonde hair, loudly exclaims, "What the fuck do you want, man?!"
You respond confidently, "I want group",
 before turning back to him and saying, "I am here for my first time." He laughs nervously and says, "Oh yeah? Well, I'm not letting anyone on until they pay me!

You pay Walter and he allows you to join the bowling team.  You bowl your first game.
 After that, everyone is very nice towards you and lets you play. It's fun and relaxing and by the end of the night, you've made some good money from people betting on whether or not you'll strike out during each frame.

You ask The Dude and Walter if they want to go get food after the game.
 They agree and head down into the restaurant where all of the servers know them well. One girl approaches and asks what she can bring you. She's tall, curvy, and stunning. Her name is Angelina.

You try and flirt with Angelina.
 She seems interested and flirts right back. Eventually, you decide it would be best to just kiss her while sitting next to each other. As soon as you touch lips, however, she turns away and storms off.

You ask Walter, "Next time, can you put those barriers up for me. I'm not as good as you guys."

"No problem," he responds, smiling warmly.
Walter returns a few minutes later with another drink for you. You both sit there drinking quietly. About ten minutes pass when suddenly, Walter starts laughing uncontrollably.

You ask Walter, "What's so funny?"

He replies, still chuckling, "I was watching this old movie called 'Casablanca' earlier tonight. There were these two characters named Rick and Ilsa. And every once in awhile they'd make eyes at each other like crazy.

You take the hint and walk up to Angelina and ask, ""Angelina, I don't know how to say this, but you me my boner."

She smiles brightly and takes your hand. "Come upstairs."
Afterwards, she lays atop of you and kisses you passionately. Soon enough, she rolls over onto her side and begins rubbing against you through your pants.

You fall asleep at Angelina's and have a bowling themed dream sequence:

In your dream, you are playing a game of pinball. You're doing pretty well, but then you miss a shot and knock over the ball. Suddenly, someone comes behind you and grabs the ball.

It's Angelina. She picks up the fallen ball and places it back on the machine. Then she walks around the table and stands beside you. She leans forward and whispers, "I will always be here for you."

You wake up and see the Angelina is gone and so is your wallet.  You head downstairs to see that The Dude and Walter are eating breakfast. You tell them what happened last night.

The Dude says, "Well, it's true. You did lose your wallet." He points his finger at you and continues, "But you also lost something much more important than money. You lost yourself, man!"

You say, "That wallet really tied my finances together."  Walter slams his fist on the table and replies, "This shit cannot stand!  I will use my war skills to track her down.  We are getting your wallet back TONIGHT!"

You laugh and agree that you need to find a new place to live. The Dude suggests that you move into the basement of the bowling alley. Walter agrees and adds, "And you should probably stop calling me Dude.

You listen to Walter's plan to get your wallet back:

You are standing outside the bowling alley. It's about noon, and you've been waiting for almost an hour. Finally, you hear the door open and Walter and The Dude come out. They seem to be carrying a lot of stuff.

You notice all the items they are carrying:

-A large, heavy duffel bag.
-Walter's briefcase.
-Several boxes.
You approach the men and ask, "Hey, where do you guys keep the money?"

Walter points at the duffel bag.  He tells you that he has staged a meeting to give her a bunch of money.  But Angelina will actually be getting a briefcase full of his dirty undies.  That's when everyone rushes her and forces her to give the wallet back.  Easy!

You watch as Walter and The Dude load up their car and drive off. You look back at the building and think, "Now where was I? Oh yeah. I'm going to go in and ask for a job.

You head inside and ask for work. A manager comes up to you, "What can I help you with young man?"
"I'm looking for a job."
He smiles, "Well, let me show you to the interview room.
"

The manager has only one interview question to work at the bowling alley:
 "Do you bowl?"
You respond, "Yeah. I'm pretty good. I can even beat Walter in singles.
He laughs, "Oh, I'm sure you could. I'll put in the word.

You work your first shift at the bowling alley.  Just as you are about to close up, The Dude and Walter run into the alley screaming.  Walter explains that nothing went according plan.

They ask if you want to join them for dinner.
You say, "Sure. I'm in. I don't have any plans."
Dinner turns out to be delicious. Afterwards, you decide to grab some coffee and continue working on your novel.

You hear a knock at the door.  You open it and see that it is
 Angelina and she's wearing a very sexy outfit.
She asks, "Can we talk a minute?"
You say, "Um...sure."
Angelina sits down on the couch and looks at you.
 She says, "Thank you so much for helping me last night.
She continues, "My parents are both really strict. And they would have killed me if they found out.
You smile and reply, "Don't worry about it.

You ask Angelina, "Hey... where is my wallet dude?  It really held my finances together and I would like it back."

Angelina says, "I gave it to you."
You laugh and ask, "Really?!  You didn't take it from the briefcase?!"
She says, "No. It's still there."

You get up to leave and Angelina grabs your arm and asks, "Are you a nihilist?"

You say, "I am not. I just don't believe that everything is meaningless."
You turn around and walk away. She calls after you, "I will always be here for you."

Next time on The Big Kyril Lebowski:

-Will the Dude really lose his virginity to a bowling ball? (It will be funny!)
-How long will Walter and The Dude wait before they confront the nihilists?
-Who will win in a fight between The Dude and Walter?