You are David. You work in a 9-5 retail job but today is your day off. You've had a few drinks the night before and you wake up later than you normally do. When you wake up it's slightly moist and you have a set of bagpipes in your pocket. What happens next? David: I think my mind just sort of shut down for a moment, like when you're driving home from work on Friday evening and everything seems to go dark around you. You look at your boss Terry and wonder how someone so stupid is your superior. He has no idea what he's doing or why he does it either. The only thing that matters to him is getting his bonus. Then you notice there's something wrong with your hand. It looks swollen. You look at the palm of your hand and see that a mouth is forming on it. A very angry looking mouth with sharp teeth. Your heart starts racing as you realise this isn't an illusion caused by alcohol consumption; it's real! There is now a giant dog head sitting on top of your right wrist. You ask your hands, "what are you?" They reply, "I am a talking dog." What happened to you? The answer lies in the past. This story was originally told in two parts back in 2015. In part one, we meet a man who has been possessed by a talking dog. You reveal your troubled past to your dog hand. As you tell them about being bullied in school, they become agitated and start growling. You explain that you were once a shy young boy but then became popular after joining the football team. One day whilst playing against another team, you get hit hard on the knee and can't run anymore. As you are carted off the field on a stretcher, the coach says "I got some bad news David, your dad and dog in a car accident on the way here. We can save them, but we'll have to take away your hands." Your father died shortly afterwards and your mother took over raising you alone. She worked long hours and would often leave you in charge of the house. One night she left you alone and locked herself out. Thinking it was a burglar, you attacked your mother as she tried to climb in the kitchen window. After beating her severely, you realised she wasn't trying to break into the house. Instead, she was coming to get help. You panicked and ran outside screaming for neighbours to call the police. When the cops arrived they found your mother lying unconscious in the driveway and you standing beside her holding a bloody hammer. You pleaded guilty to manslaughter and spent three years in prison. After serving time you returned home to find things had changed since your mum passed away. No longer did anyone care if you lived or died. Flashforward to the present and your talking dog hand sits there with it's mouth open in shock. You continue telling them about how your life turned around when you joined the local rugby club and how your friends helped you through difficult times. Eventually though, you stop speaking because you don't want to talk about how much pain you still feel inside. Your story gets interrupted by a blind guest coming to your pizzeria with their service dog. Your dog hand sees the other dog and say "You're gonna have puppies!" The guests look surprised at this statement. They turn around and see you staring blankly at them. Then they hear your voice saying, "Oh my God! I'm having puppies!" How did you know? You flex your pregnant bicep and that shoots one of the puppies out of your dog hand's mouth onto the counter. It's a girl puppy. The guests laugh nervously. "We should go," you say, "we need to get going." You stand up and your dog hand follows suit. You walk towards your dog hand and it starts whining like it's hungry. You grab a Hot N' Ready, feed it to your dog hand and go home early. The next morning, you wake up with a splitting headache. Your dog hand is sitting on your bedside table. You reach down and stroke it. It seems to be asleep. You sit there stroking it for a while before you realise you are awake. Next time on Dog Hand Adventures: You are woken by your dog hand barking. You rub your eyes and realise you are sitting on a beach with your dog hand. You get up, stretch, and start walking along the shore.
EP 408 – Story #1
Posted under Episode 408, Story On By Chief