The year is 1865. You are Edward Montford, a meek writer for a newspaper based in Boston USA. You usually sleep well but recently you've been having nightmares about a dead cat you saw two weeks ago. One day as you're going to bed, you swear you can hear the voice of your dead wife behind you calling out "Edward! Edward!" You turn around and see that it was only an illusion created by your subconscious mind. That night though you have another dream about your deceased wife. In the dream, your wife: 1) Is lying on her side with one arm over her head. She's wearing a white dress. Her left leg is slightly bent at the knee. 2) Your wife has long black hair tied into braids. 3) The woman appears very pale. There is no color in her face or lips. In fact she looks like a corpse. 4) When you wake up from this dream, you find yourself sitting next to your wife who died when you were 16 years old. You ask your wife how this is possible. But all she says is "I'm not sure." Then you both fall asleep again. When you wake up, your wife is gone, but you find a picture of your Ex-wife with your Younger brother clearly more in love than when you were tog. What do you think happened? Why did your wife leave you? What does this mean? Do you believe in ghosts? How will this affect your relationship with your family? At Thanksgiving dinner, you ask your your ex-wife in front of your brother "is he bigger than me?" She answers "yes". "Then I don't want him anymore," you say. Your sister replies "you'll get over it", while your mother just stares silently back at you. You lock yourself in the bathroom, and your father tries to convince you to come out. Finally after ten minutes, you come out and apologize to everyone. It doesn't matter what they said; you know deep down inside that you still love your younger brother. After dinner you talk with your ex-wife and tell her all about the dream you had. You then ask if there could be any truth to it. After thinking for a minute, she tells you that yes, there may be some truth to it. You go to a psychic to ask her what your dreams about your dead wife mean. She gives you several different interpretations. Some are obvious such as: 1) Your life is too busy right now. 2) Something bad might happen soon. The psychic asks "does your wifes name start with an A, B, C, D, E, F...." You answer "E". The Psychic continues "Well, Edward, this means that something very important is happening to you. This is a message from your dead wife telling you to look closer at everything around you. Are you looking closely enough?" She hands you a mirror. You see a reflection staring back at you. She asks you, "What do you see in the mirror?" You reply "nothing". "But you must see something because you are seeing the same thing as your dead wife. Look deeper." You stare into the mirror for awhile longer. You finally see in the mirror what the psychic wanted you to see: a black cat. That night you have another dream about your deceased wife. In the dream, your wife is lying on her side. She's wearing a white dress. Her left leg is slightly bent at the knee. Her hair is long, dark brown. And she has a beautiful smile. But this time, your wife's leg is being held by your brother. He is holding your wife's left leg up. He is kissing her neck. As you wake up, you realize you need to confront your brother. As you walk up to him, you notice that your wife is not where you last saw her. Where is she? You find her under your bed. You yell at your deceased wife, "YOU LIKE THOSE CRAB BALL YOU WHORE!?" You grab her by the throat. "DON'T TALK BACK TO ME! IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, I WILL KILL YOUR BROTHER AND THEN MYSELF!" You say it again. You grab your wife by the neck. You squeeze until she passes out. When you wake up, your wife is not in bed. Worried, you call your brother. Your brother says "I'm sorry. We were just fooling around. That was a joke." You tell him to never lie to you ever again. Your brother, Ashton Kutcher, hops of the closet with a camera crew and yells, "You just got PUNK'D!" A few weeks later, you find out from your brother that he is getting married. You decide to go to the wedding with your brother and his new wife. His new wife is your old wife. You are the best man and get really drunk before your speech and say the following: "I am so happy I met my brother-in-law today. And he is also going to be my brother-in-law next month." Next time on Colonial Punk'd: You're walking down the street when you pass a woman with a sign that says "Free Food". You say, "Hey, can I buy you dinner?" She answers "Sure".
EP 407 – Story #3
Posted under Episode 407, Story On By Chief