EP 407 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 407, Story On By Chief

You are Tony Corleone, the adopted son of the Godfather, Jason Corleone. You want to inherit your adopted father's fame and fortune. However, since you're not related by blood, you're last in line to inherit anything. You ask Jason to disinherit his other relatives so you can have everything.

"Jason agrees, but he has one condition: He wants you to kill someone for him."
I'd heard this story before. It was a variation on The Last Supper.

You sit at the table with Jesus Corleone, as he sits he says, "no one fucks with de Jesus!"
 Then he gives you a gun, and tells you that if anyone tries to fuck around, shoot them dead! So you go off into the night and start killing people.

You first hit:
 John Cleese. Because he is an Englishman who doesn't understand Italian culture.
Then you hit: Jerry Seinfeld.

Before you kill Jerry, you say, "What's the deal with murder?"
 And Jerry explains it to you.
And then you killed: Robin Williams because he had fucked up the movie Good Morning Vietnam.
The point here being that I knew how this story would end;

and that I wasn't really listening to what was going on. There were two points of interest about my new life:
First, I didn't know where I lived anymore.

You get a ride home from Judas Corleone, who has a personal beef with Jesus.
 But when they arrive back at the house, there isn't any sign of me or my things.

You realize this is a setup by Jason Corleone and Judas.
 They've been planning all along to frame you for the murders.
Second, there was no music playing. In fact, there wasn't even sound coming out of the speakers.

They spare your life because Jason Corleone can't kill a guy without a beat playing.  You go into hiding and call the only person in your family you can trust:
 Uncle Carlo. He takes care of you until you recover from the shock. Then you decide to make a run for it.

You ran.  You ran so far away.  You run to the one country that you know Jason will not find you in:
There are some interesting twists in this part of the story. First, you learn that the Russian Mafia also runs drugs.

You get an entry-level job with the Russian mafia.
 After working for awhile, you realize that they don't pay very well. You try to leave the organization, but they won't let you.

You say you'll do anything to get out, the russian mob boss gives you one option:

Kill somebody.
He hands you a gun.
"Here," he says. "Go ahead, pull the trigger."
You hesitate.
"Do it now," he says.

You ask the mob boss, "You guys ever heard of Russian Roulette?"

The mob boss laughs, and says, "Of course we have."
"It's a game," you explain. "Where the dealer spins a wheel.
 If the ball lands on red, everyone dies. If the ball lands on black, everybody wins. But if the ball lands anywhere else, the loser gets shot."

You play russian roulette with the mob boss and the ball lands on:

black. Everybody wins!
But you're still alive.
You ask the mob boss why he wants you to kill someone.
 The mob boss says, "Because I need a favor from the Godfather. And if you kill the wrong guy, it's gonna be you who pays the price!"
Then you kill him.

You say a badass one-liner:
 "I'm the Godfather. Now fuck off!"
And you take over the gang.
And you live happily ever after.
Or you die.
Either way, you win.

Next time on Mafia 2 Mafia:

This is the part where you start to wonder, "What the fuck is going on?"
You wake up in the middle of the night.
And you hear something.