You are an ordinary man, living in an average house in an average neighborhood. You have a wife and two children, all of whom are average in every way. The only unusual thing about you is that you are an expert at reading minds. One day, while reading the newspaper, you see that your neighbor's daughter has been missing for a few days. The police have been called in, but so far nothing has been found. You begin to wonder if she has run away. She has never been known to do anything like that before, so you decide to go over to her house and talk to her. You knock on her door, and when no one answers, you call out "Hello? Is anyone home?" There is no answer. "I guess I'll just wait," you say. As you stand there waiting, it suddenly occurs to you that maybe she ran off with someone else; then you realize that she has been whisked away by David Byrne. And then you think: No! Not again! It's not fair! Why can't they leave me alone?! You attempt to leave the house to find her, but suddenly a Sharknado strikes and you are forced to head to the basement! But what will happen next? Will you be trapped down there forever? Or will you escape from this terrifying storm, and get back to normal life? You read the sharks mind and then you find some water flowing underground. You follow it until you reach the surface and then climb up into a cave where you meet your friend Alex who tells you he knows how to rescue you. You listen to Alex's conspiracy theories about how he knew a Sharknado would happen and he blames it all on the government. He says that because of this, he was able to prepare himself mentally and physically. As Alex drives you to his Sharknado bunker, he elaborates on his conspiracy theory: "It started three years ago when the president said we were going to invade Iraq. Then they announced that we had actually invaded Iraq, which caused everyone to panic." You are confused by this and ask Alex, "What year do you think it is?" He replies, "Oh shit!" as he realizes that you're right. He looks around frantically and says, "We need to go deeper!" You realize Alex has lost his mind. You sit in silence as Alex tries to sell you snail based protein powder. You finally arrive at the bunker and head in with Alex. Once inside, Alex explains that he believes that aliens control us through our television sets and that the government wants to use him to become immortal. You realize you are safer outside than inside with Alex and head out to face the Sharknado. You are immediately sucked up in the Sharknado where you can see the neighbor girl! She screams for help, but she doesn't make any noise. You try calling out to her, but she doesn't respond. Eventually you hear her screaming. You try to get close to grab her, but are stopped by David Byrne with green face paint that is riding a broom and cackling like a witch. The Sharknado continues to suck you towards its mouth. Finally, you see the shark coming straight for you. Out of desperation, you crack open a case of snail protein powder which summons Rom Toretto searching for his true family. He finds you and saves your life. Afterwards, you and Rom drive to a nearby town. You ask Rom, "Thanks for saving my life... how did you do it!?" Rom answers, "I didn't. I am not here." "Huh?" "I have no idea why you are alive," Rom admits. Rom disappears into dust in the wind as you stare into the sunset. The End. This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Disclaimer: All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, transcribed, stored in a retrieval system, or published without the prior written permission from the publisher. You look and think of Rom and say, "Rom... Ohana means Family." You turn to walk away but are pulled back by a strong gust of wind. You are in a desert wasteland.
EP 405 – Story #2
Posted under Episode 405, Story On By Chief