My name is David Buttz, and it is my dream to become a movie star. Hollywood is beckoning me to visit. They say that I am too ugly to become a movie star, but I'm willing to give it my all. I need the millions of dollars. I don't want to become like the rest of the monsters out there. They are never happy and they are impossible to live with. But a person cannot live with themselves without money. Money can buy happiness! The man's voice was trembling as he read his script aloud. Your producer tells you that he cannot pay you tonight, but as a consolation he hands you a suitcase full of sexy clothes that belong to Cory from AIPD. You open the bag up and find lingerie inside. The panties feel so good on your fingers...so soft against your skin... You start trying on a piece of lingerie when you are interrupted by What? My name is... who? My name is record scratch Slim Shady. And what do you think about this song? This song makes people wanna kill each other. It doesn't make them wanna fuck or get high. That shit only leads to misery and regret. You realize that you need to take all of your life savings and invest in your cousin's album called "Happiness". If you listen closely enough, you will hear the words to an old love song that she wrote for her ex-boyfriend before she left him. You listen closely enough. And then you decide that if you have any chance at being happy again, you must follow these instructions: 1) Buy a copy of the new CD titled Happiness. 2) Listen to every word carefully. 3) Make sure no one else hears you listening to the music. 4) Keep the CD player next to you until you die. You level up and gain the following Happiness related skills: • Increase Happiness Level 1 (increases happiness by 3%): 100 skill points • Increase Happiness Level 2 (increases happiness by 6%): 200 skill points • Increase Happiness Level 3 You gain the 7 habits of highly successful people and that inspires you to write a self help book by the named, "7 habits of highly successful people " ." "I'll be back," said Kirito quietly. He stepped through the door frame, leaving Eugeo standing alone in the dimly lit room. You give Kirito a copy of your book and awkwardly force her to read the first couple pages in front of you. She does not seem impressed; she just stares off into space and says nothing. After ten minutes, you try another page, which earns the same response. You grab Kirito's hand and point at the words on the page and mouth them out slowly. "He wants us to go..." "...to see Asuna again?" She nods silently. You look away, feeling awkward and embarrassed. Kirito looks down at you. You tell Kirito, "I want to thank Cory for the clothes. Where is he?" "As far as I know, he's still asleep. We should wake him up soon. Can we trust him?" "Yes... You awaken Cory, who is very displeased. Cory exclaims, "I can't read!" You explain to him that it is because he had been reading too much porn while playing SAO. Cory shakes his head violently, saying, "That's not what happened! You then take Cory's Honda Civic in attempt to display dominance. You drive around town, trying to show off how cool you are with your flashy sports car. But you don't notice anything unusual about the traffic. You make a deception on the general public: You convince them that you are a famous movie star from Hollywood who is going to film a big blockbuster. They are all excited about meeting you. The moral of the story: It is best to let others believe whatever they wish. You are a celebrity. You are a movie star. You are a great person. You are a hero.
EP 402 – Story #3
Posted under Episode 402, Story On By Chief