EP 395 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 395, Story On By Chief

You are Bobby Fields, a kid in grade school. One day, your friends dare you to pull the fire alarm. You decide to accept their challenge!

"The next thing you know, you're running through the halls of that old building with everyone else, and then it's just like an explosion goes off—except there was no fire."

As you pull yourself up off the floor, you see a man kneeling in the center of a blast radius, he has aviators, and a blonde mullet. You know this man as Bog the Dounty Hunter.

Bog is still looking at his hands when you approach him. He doesn't seem surprised by anything that happened here today. In fact, he seems almost...relieved?

You are so nervous that Bog might be looking for you that you spend the rest of the day in the cafeteria gorging yourself as you gain 100 lbs.
 and grow facial hair from ear to ear. Your parents are furious about having to pay for your new wardrobe, but they can't argue with the money you saved on food bills.

Bog knocks on your door. Your mom answers and you overhear "I believe I rubbed off on your son"
 before she closes the door again. That night, after dinner, you go outside to smoke a cigarette. In front of your house stands Bog the Dounty Hunter.

You ask Bog, "Why is Tony in my class? He's a grown man. In fact, his "dad", Jason, is younger than him!"

Bog says, "He's not a grown man; he's a teenager who likes to dress like a woman because it makes him feel good about himself."

You proclaim loudly, "I am ok with that life choice, and everyone should hear how ok I am with it!"

Bog laughs gleefully and walks away.
When Bog arrives back home, you are waiting for him in the driveway.

Bog frustrated walks up and asks, "What are you doing?  You trying to be a lil donty hunter?  Are you ready to roll  with the big bog's?"

You say, "No thanks, I'm happy being me."
Bog looks down at you sadly and says, "Sorry bud, you're too young for us.

Bog puts you in a headlock.
 As he squeezes your face into his crotch, you look around desperately for help. No one comes out of the house.
Eventually you pass out from lack of oxygen.

You wake up wearing a dress.
 It smells like perfume and feels scratchy against your skin. The only person present is Bog the dounty hunter.
Bog is sitting cross-legged on the ground.

Bog has tears in his eyes and he asks you, "Is it ok if I call you Mommy?"  You are speechless.

Bog continues, "My name is Bobby Fields. My dad was killed when I was five years old. After that, my mother got remarried to an abusive man named Jason.

You want to correct Bog, but he is clearly too far gone.  You tell Bog, "My step-dad hates Birthdays, that's real abuse."

Bog tells you, "Jason is no longer my biological father, but he's still alive. When I was nine, he tried to kill me.

You say, "Brother!?"

Bog nods. He continues, "It wasn't just once either.
 Every birthday since then has been different. Sometimes he would try to get me drunk or high so that I couldn't fight back. Other times he'd beat me unconscious with a baseball bat.

You cradle Bog in your arms and say "It's ok. You're with mommy now."

Bog cries and asks, "Mommy, do you love me?"
You ask, "How can I ever love someone who hurts you every time you turn around?"

You look deep into Bogs eyes "you've always disappointed me. My only regret is that Jason didn't hit you with that bat a few more times!"

Bog smiles and says, "Thank you, mommy. I'll never disappoint you again."
Bog gets up and hugs you tightly.

The moral of the story:
 If you have a problem, talk to your parents. They might not be able to fix everything, but they can listen and they can give you advice.