EP 392 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 392, Story On By Chief

You are Gimli the dwarf, and you are part of Frodo's adventuring party. You are about to scream "And MY axe!" but there's one problem.
 The orcs have your axe.'
'I know,' said Gimli wearily. 'I was wondering when I'd hear that word from your mouth again.' He sighed heavily.

You, Gimli, team up with Gimli to recover Gimli's axe.
 To do this, you must first get past a group of orc guards. They will be standing around outside an open door leading into a dark corridor where another set of orc guards stand ready for action.

You say, "This would never have happened if the Elves of Lorien weren't hiding in their pretty woods!"

The Orc captain says, 'Hiding? We were here long before they arrived!'
To convince him otherwise, you offer: 'Yes, but now they're coming back!

Suddenly Gimli #23732, the Gimli who wants to be in charge, stands up and says, "
If you don't like it, go ahead and attack us right now."
At which point he swings his battle-axe at the nearest guard.
 It does not even touch them; it just bounces off harmlessly as though made out of rubber. This is because of Gimli's Ring of Power.

You point into the woods, shouting "The elves ran off that way!"
 while pointing to the left. Your enemy turns and runs off towards the direction you indicated. A few minutes later you see a small band of elf warriors emerge from behind some trees.

While the guards are distracted, you rush into the dark tunnel and discover a chest that contains Delta Aging.

A new character has been created – the Dwarf Shaman (Gimli). His name is given as Gimli.

Gimli says, "I heard that Jason started the war with the Orcs, because they stole his butter. Maybe we can bribe Jason with butter."

Jason says, "I'm sure he'll understand our need for butter. If you want me to talk to him, I might ask him what kind of butter he likes best."

You encounter the orc king, Jason, sitting in a Jacuzzi of melted butter, eating a claw from an enormous cave crab.

"So," asks Jason, "what kind of butter do you guys use?"
"We call it 'butter'," says Gimli. "It comes from cows or goats or something."

You sneakily turn up the hot tub temperature to boiling.

Jason throws himself over the side of the Jacuzzi, screaming, "Butter! Butter!" You throw a bucketful of ice water on him, then quickly dash away into the forest.

The shock of the cold water throws Jason into a butter frenzy.
 He starts running around trying to find someone else to eat. You start laughing hysterically until you notice that all the other orcs are doing exactly the same thing.

You try to fit in and start nibbling on the nearest Gimli.
 He shoves you aside and shouts, "Hey! What's so funny?! Why won't anyone play along?!"

You whisper to Gimli "I'm pretending to eat you. pretend to eat me back."

He nods and slowly backs down. Soon everyone except the three of you are chasing each other around in circles, snacking and yelling "BUTTER!"

You cast Delta Aging on the orcs.
 The effect takes hold immediately. They drop their weapons and run off into the woods, munching on anything they can get their hands on.
The last remaining orc attacks you.

You defend yourself by verbally insulting the orc.

'You're fat and stupid and ugly! And your breath stinks! Let's have a fight!'
The Orc King falls to his knees, sobbing and begging for forgiveness.

The moral of the story:
 Never insult your enemies in front of witnesses.
'Let's have a fight!'
Orc King: 'Please! Please! Don't hurt me!'
You say: 'Sure!