EP 391 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 391, Story On By Chief

Computer, initiate start sequence.

A series of clicks and beeps came from deep inside the device as she sat at her work station on her stool by her terminal screen.

You say, "Computer, tell me everything you know about Jason from AIPD."

A series of numbers and dates began scrolling past in a list.

You turn around and are greeted by Tom Bombadil.
 His eyes seem very wise, his expression compassionate as he asks if he can help.

You ask Tom to take you on a side quest.
 Your heart is racing as your adventure continues with The Fellowship of Seven: an organization of great power that was once known as “The Fellowship of Five,” but has since been reborn into something

You say, "computer, give me a plan to thwart the dark lord."

Tom looks at you and says: You must become like unto him who stands between us, the wall which is called ‘Gates of Meneldor, which none may cross until
 he has first overcome all seven of these trials. For this task is nigh to the very heart of things.

You prompt computer for Jennifer Lopez's Top 10 Favorite Lord Of The Rings Characters:
 Gimli (The Dwarf of Durin)
2. Frodo Baggins (of the White Council)
3. Gandalf (Of The Ring Lords)
 Sam Gamgee (Who is Not Really That Stupid or Bitchy)
5. Boromir (The Great Man Who Did Not Have Enough Love For People)
 Gollum (Wretch With Too Much Need)
7. Merry Wainwright(Silly Human) 8. Pippin The Precious Little One
 Aragorn The Fair Prince (And My Own Sweetest Darling Ever Since I Was Just About As Young as He) And
10: Legolas The Lucky Lad Who Had A Very Good Father And
 A Lot of Love
As your journey continues, there are several more opportunities to find other companions. However it's always nice if the new ones don't end up turning out to be enemies.

You are joined by veteran Ranger Jennifer Lopez.
 They travel through dangerous lands together and they fight many battles against some pretty bad guys...including The Necromancer. She is actually quite tough.

J-Lo destroys the Necromancer by making it watch "Gigli."  On the Necromancer's corpse, you find the one Onion Ring to rule them all.
 It will make you stronger in battle! JLOL gets extra points. :D (Sorry for killing you so much.) You also discover an enchanted sword called “Erestil.
” E-R-E-STI-L! (Sorry, couldn't resist...)

You ask JLOL, "Ms. Lopez, can you help me find Jason from AIPD? His adopted son, Tony, really misses him."

"I would be happy to," replies J-Lo cheerfully. She then tells a funny story involving how she helped Tony get over Jason's loss.

You notice Tony putting the moves on JLOL.
 You tell her that you are married to JLO, too. She says you shouldn't mind because, in fact, he is just another notch on her gun belt.

Tony asks JLOL if she's ever met a horselord before as Tony drops his pants.

She turns away from him, giving the signal for him to back off. Then, she calls you aside to give advice about dating Tony.

You give the following 5 tips for dating Tony:
 Keep him laughing: Make sure he is entertained all day long;
2. Give him plenty of kisses and attention in public;
3. Take time to listen to what makes Tony special;

4. Never, never lie about him (this includes being dishonest with him about his parentage); and,
5. Always tell him he's the best! ;) He needs that!

You hear a flock of harpies dangerously circling in the sky.
 Your companion Jennifer, the ranger, has no idea what to do and begs your help in defending herself from them! She offers to show you her magical arsenal of bows, crossbows and arrows.

You grab a shiny arbalest and JLOL says "that is the legendary crossbow
 used in The Lord of the Rings. The first shot is the easiest, and if that one hits, it'll probably destroy everything around you!"

You hook up the crossbow to the computer and enter the command: "Computer kill all harpies"
 and the computer responds with "computer, confirm attack sequence." You turn and fire an arrow into one of them as you yell, "GO!"

You and JLOL run into the sunset as the computer destroys itself to kill all the harpies.

Jennifer, who is a skilled warrior, tells you: If you can survive in a hostile land like the Mines of Moria, it'll only take one of these things down!

The moral of the story:
 The world may have a lot more evil than you thought. But it also holds a few surprising people, places, things and weapons of light that could save your life someday.
Your adventure continues.