EP 391 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 391, Story On By Chief

You are LeBron James, the new star of the Space Jam film franchise. You are outside a theater where you see Michael Jordan signing autographs. You try to say hi by dribbling a basketball towards him. However, the basketball hits Michael in the face. Michael angrily says, "LeBron hit me!" People start booing you. Your coach walks up to you and says, "You're kicked off the team. Your basketball career is over." Michael grins.
 He says, "I'm going to be your manager now."
What do you do?
* * *
The answer: I'd kill myself first!

You call Michael Jordan a bitch.
 His eyes turn red with rage. He grabs you by the neck and chokes you out. The crowd goes wild as he throws you into an arena wall.

You scream for the Looney Tunes to save you.
 They come flying down from above. One lands on top of Michael's head while another one smacks his crotch. Michael screams in pain.

You tap in Big Chungus.
 It ends with Michael in prison after being convicted of assaulting a minor. You become the greatest player ever.
As you go back home, people cheer at your arrival.

You decide to put on a live version of Space Jam 3, where you team up with Looney Tunes, against prisoner Michael Jordan and his squad of prisoners.
 This time they win. But this also means that Michael will never leave jail again, which would make it impossible for him to play professional basketball anymore. So you have no choice but to retire.

You meet Garfield, a Lazy cat who challenges you to a game of Basketball for a unlimited supply of lasagna.  You say to yourself, "One more game."
 And then Garfield comes up with a plan...
"Okay," said Garfield, "we'll just get rid of all the other teams so we can keep playing forever..."

You plan an "ice cream social" in the hangar of the space prison. When all the other basketball teams enter, you eject them into space.
 Then you throw Garfield into outer-space.
Garfield says, "Now we don't need any rules or anything else to stop us from winning.

Garfield implodes into a millions pieces.
 All the stars explode around you. You collapse onto the floor. You realize that everything has been destroyed except for you. You are alone.

You drift through the endless void until you come across a planet with a strange rubbery orange surface. You have found the planet of Ball.

On this planet there is only one rule. If you score a basket, you must stay inside the rim. If you miss, you must exit the circle. There are two players per team.

The moral of the story:
 Don't mess with Garfield.