EP 389 – Story #3

Posted under Episode 389, Story On By Chief

You are David Fletcher, a man who's gone to the post office to ask about a missing parcel. When you get inside, you see a hostage situation going on. A man wearing a President Kennedy mask says
 that he is holding two women and their children as hostages in return for his own release. He demands to know where your package has been sent from."
"I remember," I said.

The bank robber identifies with your situation.
 You have no choice but to let him go free or else face the consequences of not letting him go freeā€”the death penalty.

You walk out of the bank with your package which contains Cory's Summer clothes and you pretend like you never saw anything. But then you get an idea and rush back into the bank!  You give the bank robber Cory's clothes as a disguise!
 The robbers think it's all part of the plan and they're fooled. They don't suspect that Cory was actually there at the bank disguised as a boy.

Cory, wearing little boys clothes and a lollypop, pulls out a big gun and begins yelling.
 "Freeze!" She points her gun at the robbers.
It turns out that Cory wasn't really a girl after all.

Cory recites the entire screenplay from the movie "Heat" from memory to everyone in the bank.

In order to keep up appearances, she pretends to be a girl named Samantha. Everyone thinks she's a new teller and Cory goes through the motions of being a normal employee.

After finishing the entire screen play and working a faux day of being a bank teller, Cory finally engage the bank robbers and confuses you as one of the criminals.
 It looks like you've gotten away clean.
But when you look closely, you realize that the masked men were just using Cory to distract you while they escaped.

Then the police finally show up.

When the police arrive, they find Cory dead in the bathroom stall. Her body had been thrown against the wall by force. There were signs of torture, including cuts across her breasts.

You vow revenge and begin fighting crime at night wearing little girl's clothes.
 Your first case involves catching the person who murdered Cory. After investigating the scene of the murder, you discover that someone used a blowtorch on her body.

Upon further examination you find the following ten wounds:

1. Three deep slashes across each breast.
2. Two horizontal cuts across both nipples.
3. One diagonal cut down the center of each nipple.

You begin puking and contaminate the crime scene.
 The coroner comes over and asks if you want help disposing of the evidence. You decide to leave before the cops come around asking questions.

You decide to become a masked vigilante as everyone knows your face now.  You decide to become the masked hero known as
 "Raggedy Man".
"Whoa," I said. "That sounds dangerous."
"And fun," said my sister.

Your "Raggedy Man" outfit is composed of:

* A black cloak with red lining
* An oversized pair of white gloves (with pink embroidery)
* Black knee-high boots with a red stripe
* White mask with eye

You realize that you have just plagiarized the Phantom of the Opera look, except for the pink embroidered gloves.

"Oh yeah," said my sister. "I remember seeing this guy dressed like that in a cartoon."
"A what?" I asked.
"Cartoon!" she repeated.

You watch cartoons and remake costume to look like famous cartoon character
 Raggedy Andy from the comic strip "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle". You also add a giant nose and a long grey beard.

You use your super-hindered peripheral vision to spot crime wherever it may be had!
 You are the only superhero in town!
For the next year, your alter ego becomes a popular figure among the children of your neighborhood.

You gain an arch nemesis by the name of
 "The Headmaster", a wealthy man who has a habit of kidnapping small children and forcing them to do his evil bidding.
One day, he kidnaps your daughter, Cory.

The moral of the story:
 Don't let your kids see scary movies!
After a long and hard fought battle, you defeat the Headmaster and rescue Cory.