EP 387 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 387, Story On By Chief

The year is 2043, and WW3 has just begun.  The US president, Jeremy Renner, has ordered his Top CIA Agent, Tony Tonyzone, to infiltrate Jason "The Birthday hater" Pepperoni's HQ in Italy. Jason failed in his attempt to kill baby Jesus and now wants to go back in time and prevent his pa
ents having twins so he can be born on the 24th of December 11:59 and not on Christmas day.

Tony Tonyzones first mission is to find out who is funding the anti-Christmas group known as "Operation Santa Claus".

Tony checks out the local disco tech for clues to Jason's whereabouts.
 He finds a picture from an old movie that shows how Jason was created.

Tony the video sloppily:
 "Jason Pepperoni was invented by the evil Dr. Schizoid Man!"
Dr. Schizoid Man is played by John Hurt, but it turns out this wasn't really him.

Tony tracks down Dr Schizoid Man at his favorite establishment:
 A strip club called 'Strip City'. After some very embarrassing dancing (which I won't spoil) we see that he isn't actually there. It turns out he is working with someone else...

Tony's make his way to the women's locker room to question the strippers.  Tony breaks the ice and says, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away... doctor."
 They are confused until they realize what Tony means about being pregnant. One of them points her finger at one girl and says "That bitch had my child!".

Tony hears the laugh of Dr. Schizoid coming from one of the women's lockers.
 When she opens the door, Tony sees that it's none other than Elizabeth Hurley! She is shocked when she realizes who Tony is.

Elizabeth Hurley hands Tony an unusual clue to Jason's whereabouts: a used diaper.

When Tony gets home, he calls his girlfriend Angelina Jolie and tells her everything that happened today. He also asks if she would like to have sex later. Angelina gives him permission.

Tony decides it's been a long day and heads home to have a romantic evening with Angelina Jolie.  Angelina notices some mysterious glitter on Tony's neck.

Angelina: "What is this?"
Tony: "It's nothing."
Angela then kisses Tony passionately and removes the glitter off of his body.

Angelina takes off Tony's pants that explode with glitter which infuriates her.
 Angelina runs around naked trying to get rid of all the glitter. Finally after several minutes, she has managed to remove all of the glitter from Tony's body except for his face.

Tony decides to seduce Angelina.
 As soon as Angelina enters the bedroom, Tony starts kissing her. While he continues kissing her, Tony reaches into Angelina's bra and begins fondling her breasts.

Tony: "Do you want me to suck your nipples?"
Angelina: "Yes please."
As Tony pulls down Angelina's panties, he discovers something very strange.
 There is no hair anywhere on Angelina's pussy. All of Angelina's pubic hairs have suddenly fallen out.
Angelina: "I'm bald..."

Tony hears Dr Schizoid laughing.

Dr Schizoid: "Well well, looks like I've got another job for you."
Dr Schizoid appears in front of Angelina wearing black leather gloves.

The moral of the story:
 Don't mess with Jason Pepperoni, or you'll end up with an angry woman.