EP 386 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 386, Story On By Chief

You are a 36 year old man named Carl Cravens living in your parents' basement. You spend most of your time watching anime and posting images of sad frogs on imageboards while consuming copious amounts of Mountain Dew and chicken tendies. One day, your mom gets upset with you because one of your piss bottles leaked onto the floor and she found a cardboard box with an extremely putrid smell. She decides to take away your internet privileges and forces you to go out into the real world and find some kind of job.
 After much deliberation, you decide that you want to be a manga artist so you can draw pictures of sexy girls all over them.

Before you leave the house, you take your smelly box with you.
 On the way there, you notice a strange woman standing outside of her car holding two large bags.

You realize the woman is actually Doc Brown, who is offering you a time traveling job for 20 bucks.
 It's not too bad since it will give you enough money to buy lots of beer and video games as well as get some new clothes.

You get in the delorean and time travel to the future.
 When you arrive at your destination, you see that you have arrived just before you were supposed to meet up with Doc Brown again.

you team up with your past self to steal the Delorean and cruise the time stream while wearing Cory from AIPD's clothes.
 The only problem is that when you try to use the DeLorean's flux capacitor to send yourself back to the present, something goes wrong and instead sends you back to the point where you first met Doctor
 Brown. This causes you to lose your memory and all of the skills you gained during your travels through time. Fortunately, you managed to save your memories of the past by writing them down on paper.

You explain to Doc Brown that you are caught in a time loop.
 He offers you $100 to help him figure out how to stop the loop and restore your lost memories.

You ask for more money.

Doc Brown gives you another 100 dollars and tells you he needs to collect data about what happens if you change certain variables. He also asks you to do things like eat pizza or watch porn movies.

You ask Doc if he wants to observe as you watch pizza and eat porn.

He says no but would appreciate it if you did.
Afterwards, you tell him that you watched the entire Pizza Party Massacre 2: The Final 
Slice
.

After you eat the pizza, you chase it with a tablet which makes you immortal when you swallow it.
 You then spend the next few days watching porn movies until your parents come home. They are surprised to see you naked and eating yet another pizza.

You are so embarrassed that you run straight into traffic and are hit by the Delorean.
 You wake up in the hospital with amnesia and discover that you are now stuck in the middle of a time loop.
You decide to become a time traveler again in order to escape this predicament.

You tap your nasty worn shoes together and say "there no place like home with the tendies. there no place like home with the tendies. there no place like home with the tendies."

Suddenly, you find yourself in front of a very expensive looking door. There is a sign above the door saying "Baker's Dozen" and an arrow pointing towards the building.

You forget what you were doing and decide to get a donut.
 As you walk into the bakery, you hear someone calling after you.
"Hey! Hey!"
You turn around and see a girl with long blonde hair running behind you.

You notice this girl looks a lot like you, but with long hair.
 She is dressed in black leather pants, boots, and a tight white shirt. She has big blue eyes and pale skin. She is carrying two large bags of groceries in each hand.

The moral of the story:
 Don't fuck a stranger in a bakery.
You notice her watching you from across the street. She calls out to you.
"Hey man. I'm sorry for following you in here.