EP 384 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 384, Story On By Chief

The LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

But then the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed together fig leaves, and made themselves aprons.
Adam notices there are words on Eve's apron. They say, "Kiss the cook." He kisses it, and immediately falls asleep again. When he wakes up, Eve has already eaten. She tells him about how she ate some fruit in another world and became pregnant with Cain.
Adam demands to know who Eve has slept with to bare a child. But when Eve doesn't answer, he realizes she must have been sleeping alone all this time. After all, he can remember only eating one apple. So he decides to go look for himself.
A green snake in a nearby tree begins to talk to you. It says it wants to eat your brain so it won't forget everything it knows. You tell it you're going to kill it, but it just keeps talking. The more it talks, the more its head turns into a serpent. Finally, it becomes too big to fit inside your mouth anymore.
Adam notices that he has been talking to the penis of the man that slept his wife. He remembers that he promised to protect her while she sleeps. If he kills the snake, will he still keep his promise? Or does killing something mean you don't care if it dies?
Adam says, "You are what you eat." Then he kills the snake.
When he goes back home, Eve asks why he killed the snake.
Adam admits he was jealous of the snake. That makes sense. Since snakes don't need brains, they seem like good candidates for forgetting things. In fact, maybe they aren't even capable of remembering anything at all.
Adam tells Eve, "A new show has been invented called AIPD. It stars four groundbreaking men named Jason, Tony, Jim and Cory."
Eve laughs. Apparently, she hasn't heard of AIPD yet.
"How do I get rid of this thing?" Adam asks.
Adam wakes up in a hot sweat after a nightmare about a 20 inch snake. His eyes open wide as he looks down at his crotch. He sees an enormous black snake wrapped around his dick!
He tries to pull away, but it seems stuck to his member.
Adam grabs a big rock and attempts to kill the black snake without destroying his penis. But he fails miserably, and ends up breaking off part of his cock instead.
Adam runs over to the garden where he found Eve.
Adam says, "Hey, Eve, I'm going to need that rib back."
She responds, "I am not a rib."
Adam explains that he needs to use it to make a woman from scratch.
Eve walks over to Adam and removes the rib.
Adam uses the rib to splint his crushed penis. He also puts some skin grafts on the wound.
Afterward, Adam is able to walk out of the garden with a functioning penis.
You rove around paradise with your frankencock looking for something to love.
You meet a couple that's had lots of kids, but none are boys. They want to try again, so you give them a son.
Adam says, "Can we eat Skittles? Do you wanna touch my rainbow?"
Adam spends a lot of time in this world trying to find someone to fall in love with. But he never manages to find anyone.
Finally, he decides to marry a donkey.
The moral of the story: Donkeys can't talk, so they can't lie.

Moses led Israel into Canaan, which means he made them slaves.