EP 383 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 383, Story On By Chief

You are Jason.  You are having fun celebrating your favorite American holiday, Tax Day, when you suddenly remember you have to pay 4 million in taxes, but you only have 3 million in your bank account!  You have to find a way to make 1 million dollars in 2 hours before the tax deadline.  You will need: A bank, a computer with Internet access and software that will let you keep track of every dollar transferred into or out of an account.
You are desperate and tear open your plans in a manilla folder labeled "For Emergency Tax Payments Over or Equal to One Million Dollars" .
In it you have written:



The first step is to move money from your savings to your checking account.  Open up a new online checking account.
But then remember that the $500 sign up bonus for opening a new account is 90 days.  You panic and rush to the Casino.  You turn all of your liquid cash in for chips and put it all on red at the roulette.  The wheel spins round and round and finally lands on a color: black.  You lose!  You are now only have $4, 000 that you forgot about in your back pocket.
What do you do next?
You find a wallet in the middle of the casino floor.  It is Jim's wallet which he left at the casino and there's a million dollars in the wallet.  You rush back to the roulette table and put it all on red again.  The wheel spins and lands on: blue.  You win $1 million.  Now you have $5, 000 and one hour to find another way to get $1 million.
The pitboss approaches you.  He says: "Sir, I don't know what the hell happened here."
You see he is staring at Jim's wallet and notices the driver's license picture looks nothing like you.  You full sprint deeper into the casino floor and hide in the vast rows of slot machines.
You start to run out of time because your computer program keeps telling you: You still have 1 minute remaining on the deadline.  Your bank is demanding payment in full.
You dive towards the dirty casino floor and see a rare Demonic Beanie baby worth 3 billion dollars wedged under an elderly woman's birkenstocks.  You shove her and grab the beanie baby.  But it slips through your fingers and hits a broken glass coffee table with a huge crack!  It has a security tag which you can't remove without a keypad.
You try to brute force the combination starting with 1234, which works!  The pitboss notices you and you try to escape the casino while on hold with a reprehensive from your bank on the phone.  But someone grabs you around the waist and tries to make you pay them back for the $3 million you just won in the game of Roulette.
The man holding your waist is Jim and he looks upset because you didn't give him any money back.
Jim is so angry that he tears the head off the beanie baby.  You both watch as it rolls down the broken glass and gets stuck inside a slot machine.
You and Jim look up at the clock.
The slot machine begins spitting out tokens faster than you can count.  Finally the slot machine stops and then the screen says: YOU HAVE MADE YOUR TARGET OF $1 MILLION, AND ARE IN THE BLACK.
You dance in celebration and reveal your troubled past to Jim.






*




"Hey Jason, how about some breakfast?"
I heard a voice behind me and turned around.
You turn around and see the voice is none other than that of my girlfriend Holly.
As she turns around, I notice something peculiar: Her left arm was hanging limp.
She has no use of her left hand.
You seem to remember Holly having two working hands that last time you saw her.  You ask her what happened and Hollys tells you she lost big at the blackjack table and the pitboss took her hand away.  That is when she made it to the door of the casino but forgot her wallet.
You tell Holly the good news.  She tells you you are a nice guy.  And she tells you she needs to go back to work.
You walk her out of the Casino.
The moral of the story:




Holly and Jim had never met befo☻re.  This was because they lived on opposite ends of the state and only ever interacted through text messages and emails.