EP 381 – Story #2

Posted under Episode 381, Story On By Chief

You are Douglas Macleod, an immortal who wants to be left alone in your home on the glens. One day you get an unexpected call from a friend of yours, saying that she has something for you in Scotland:
She came through the door into my house with the most extraordinary face, smiling, but I swear her eyes were not focused
You say, "Pack your bags, you got some Highlander shit to do!"
"I want us to spend Christmas together." She looked away then back at me again and said, "And I need help from you... but not now..." and vanished.
You forgot that tomorrow is Christmas, you scramble around your home looking for something to give to your friend. You decide to wrap up your old teddy bear in red ribbon, but as you do this, it tells you that if you put your life in jeopardy for anyone or anything other than yourself, you'll regret it forevermore;
Suddenly your arch nemesis Disappointed kicks in your door. He says, "It's time to play one last game before we die." As he did so, his body broke apart like a pile of dust.
You find a letter in the pile of dust that reads:
Dear Douglas Macleod,
My name is Aimee, I am an immortal who lives in Texas.
Intrigued, you pack up and head for Texas.  When you land, you are surprised to see Aimee waiting for you at the airport. She is wearing a black evening gown and a red bow tie.
You say, "Aimee, I pooped my pants. Can I wear your gown to cover my shame?"
She replies, "No, Douglas, because tonight is Christmas Eve and I have asked you to spend it with me."
You lean in for a kiss. But as she presses her lips against yours, you feel a tingling sensation around your mouth and your nose starts to itch.
You realize you have been poisoned by Aimee's lipstick. It's not very effective poison, just enough to make you cough.
You draw your bastard sword and say "YOU KNAVE! Poison is a cowards weapon. Draw your weapon!"
But Disappointed does it for him. He's on the move again, faster than you can follow. His blade cuts through your ribcage, and his foot crushes your head.
You see the lipstick container on the ground and as Disappointed makes his long winded victory speech, you toss the poison straight into his mouth.
He roars in rage and swipes at you but you duck under and use your bastard sword to slice open his neck. He spits out the lipstick and falls back.
You absorb the following highlander powers: Jump from Point A to B; Dodge any attack thrown at you.
"Why did you do this, Douglas?" asks Aimee, looking shocked.
You say, "I did it to impress you"
"Impress me?" she exclaims.
You grin, "Yeah, I wanted to prove to you that I was the better man.
You die a better man.


- Douglas Macleod, Highlander 2: The Quickening

The above is a true story, and the name of my friend has been changed.
The moral of the story: Don't wear red lipstick when you kiss someone who lives in Scotland.
This is my first attempt at ♣a sequel.  If it gets good feedback, perhaps I will write another one.