You are Richard Johnson, a male exotic dancer. You are performing in front of a packed house when a literal whale starts heckling you. She yells: "Richard! Your hands look like two different species!" Then she adds, "They're so cute I wanna eat them." The audience laughs. You say, "Did you guys hear the good news? Tony's returned and he's ready to do his AIPD dance!" Everyone in your little world turns around to see where this news came from. You perform a sexy dance and let the whale suck on your fingers. People whooped and clapped when you did it, but now they don't even bother clapping anymore because they're too busy trying not to laugh at what you just said. You grind your bottom on the whales lap in front of the crowd. They cheer louder than ever, making you feel even more self-conscious. The whale says: "You know I saw that video of you with the big fish?" You tell the whale, "That costs extra." She asks if she can have the video for free, or maybe buy it later. You tell her no way. You leave the stage and get ready to go home, but the whale follows you to your car in the parking lot. She says, "Hey Richard! Where's your car keys?" You give them up. When you reach your car, you hear a voice say: "Wow! What a lucky guy!" You turn to see your stripper friend Mr. Octopus, with all eight of his tentacles around a different sexy fish lady. Everyone is staring at you in wonder. "Richard!" the octopus calls out again. "Do you want some sushi? We're going over to Tony's place to celebrate!" You reluctantly agree and awkwardly try to make conversation with the whale on the way to Tony's house. When you get there, everyone sits down on couches or beds around the room. The whale has a seat next to you, while your friends start to ask questions. You try to resist as the whale puts her flipper on your knee. Her skin feels like rubber, and when she gets close enough, you can smell her hair. She kisses you. You kiss her back. But you don't mind too much because it feels so good. And then you see what everyone else sees: the whale sucks your penis into her mouth. Your penis gets stuck in the whale's baleen. You say, "What the heck?" Everyone starts laughing. You try to pull away, but it's no use. You jam it in deeper! The whale slurps your whole cock down her throat. And then she takes off with the rest of your meat inside her mouth. You spend the rest of your life chasing the whale. You change your last name to Ahab. Every time you see a big fish you want to kill, you get on board. The moral of the story: Don't fuck whales. The End The Good News I was wrong. I'm not a real ☻guy. I make up fake news stories just for fun.