EP 380 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 380, Story On By Chief

You are Julius Ceasar, Emperor of Rome. It's March 15th and a group of Senators have invited you to a dinner party. You're super excited!
"You arrive at the house and see that it's huge, but also very dark. All the servants have red eyes, and you don't know where you've seen anything like that before..."
And now the party starts...
You ask "Has anyone seen Scott Green?" You've left him in a ditch, covered in pig shit. And he's fine.
"Ah, well it all worked out."
It works out alright, but not exactly as it should be working out.
"Now I'd like to get to work!
You see a bunch of your senator friends hanging around the punch bowl. You think they're celebrating, but they're not! They're all plotting to murder you."

They plan to use some weird poison or something. And I know about that stuff, you know. It was all in a book, so there's no problem.
Scott Green, now covered in pig shit, enters the room and hands you a pile of Cory's clothes that are covered in urine. The next part of your memory is a little hazy, but I've heard this is when you learn your secret, so it will come later.
You find a bunch of corpses in the basement, all dressed to go out, so they were killed after the others and before the party.
You go upstairs and say "I don't want be the olive in the soup, but there's a bunch of dead people in the basement!" They say, "We have something for you!"
Scott Green comes back with some strange concoction and the Senators and servants all try it, and every one dies within five minutes.
You go back downstairs. It's pretty dark. You look over the table.
with everyone dead and no one to see you, you eat all the cocktail shrimp. You're just going to get fat... and then you fall asleep.
"Oh dear, how the mighty have fallen..."
The next morning you wake up. All the senators have purple skin, your own slaves have yellow eyes, and everything is a little red in the room...
You decide to leave and bump into Scott Green on the way out.

You tell him what happened, and he agrees it probably wouldn't go down well. He tells you it was a nice job you did the night before. He's not sure how you knew what the stuff does.
You decide to stop being nice to Scott and list all the reasons you hate him:

The fact that he tricked you with the Cory disguise
The fact that he killed your slaves
The fact that he killed all your guests
The fact that he didn't help in the battle

So when you meet the emperor again, you list your grievances and threaten to report him
You go to the closest mirror and report to yourself.  You decide that Scott must face a dangerous trial if he is to live, Scott must die!

You tell the emperor to make a decision on which slaves will die at Scott's execution, or you will kill the emperor.
It's decided the execution will take place the following day.

Scott is made to wear a crown.
You sneak a pile of pig shit into the crown and slap it on Scott's head as you laugh. Scott takes it off and puts it in his own bag, then puts the bag onto his head and leaves without saying a word.
The Emperor looks at you. He's got a crown with a bag full of crap on his head, and his own slaves say he has purple skin.
You realize that you had accidentally drank the poison last night.  You lunge at Scott and attempt to kill him with all of your remaining might.  But it doesn't work, you're too tired, you don't have the same strength as before and you let Scott out of your grasp and he runs off laughing.

"Ah," said Scott.
"Ah what?" asked Julius Ceasar.
Scott stopped running.
"It was nice talking with you, Caesar."
Julius Ceasar waved good-bye, and Scott, holding a bag filled with a small purple substance, turned and ran for the door.
[Give the moral of the story]
This one is a pretty oldie.  It may have been inspired by something in Julius Caesar: The Book of Brutus
This was not a time of peace and security.  It was a time of war, and the lives of citizens depended on what happened in every battle.