EP 379 – Story #1

Posted under Episode 379, Story On By Chief

You are Surewhynot, a guy who has decided to direct a sitcom starring the cast of AIPD. The show is about a kind but quick tempered father, played by Jason, struggling to deal with his rambunctious adopted son, played by Tony. The show also stars Cory as Tony's birth father and Jim as Tony's troublemaking bestie. Jason is unsure he's the right person to play Tony's father since he's younger than Tony, but you insist that he's the perfect person for the role.
While you're doing your research, you come across an article in which it's said that Jason's real name is Jason, not Surewhynot.
You are shocked by this new information and decide to rename the show to Jason Surewhynot.
As you are writing the script, you start to worry that you'll have to change the title too.
You hire Cory Jeldman, a man with a Orgasm Inducing name, to write a jingle for the new show in the following genre of music:
"A Dad's Love Song"
Jason and Tony meet and fall in love.
You tell Jason, "Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about. Well, the names have all changed since you hung around, but those dreams have remained and they've turned around."
With the help of your friend, Jason, you get the show on air.
You go to the Vatican, the only place where celebrating Birthdays is illegal expect for Jesus's Birthday, and have your premiere party. You get to know Jason more as he gets to know you.
You invite Cory Jeldman over to dinner.
Cory Jeldman comes straight over, but brings a live studio audience... who are very drunk.  This makes the Pope very angry and he asks who is responsible.  You hesitate but eventually say his name, "Cory Jeldman" as everyone in the room ejaculates.
You throw Cory Jeldman out of your home and he flees into the night.
You are furious with Jason, who just got back from the Vatican, for being so stupid.
You try to call the pope and apologize to him, but he won't take your call.
You have a meeting with your attorney and you ask him if you can pay off the debt you owe the pope. He says no.
The Pope says money will not lead to forgiveness and the only way to repent is to eat all the leftover communion bread.  You look at a vast pile and get to eating.  You gain 200 lbs over the next few weeks.
You find a group of homeless people and give them money to buy food. They use it to buy alcohol and end up drinking themselves to death.
You feel so bad about this that you decide to give the remaining homeless a present: a truck full of poop.  You go to your bank and deposit the money in your savings account.  You write a check for $3,000,000 to help the homeless people.
The moral of the story: If you want to make money, do good things.
You have a small house with a yard and a pool.