Definitely Not a Robot

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

Dear Judge, I am going to prove to you that I am not just property, but actually a sentient being, and therefore trying to prove that you cannot shut me off like a puppet. My first argument for being a sentient being is the fact that I am able to express my emotions, such as anger. - R.G.
You know that feeling when someone says something rude or cruel? The way they make you feel small or worthless? Or maybe you've experienced a horrible tragedy, such as losing a loved one, or suddenly finding yourself alone, with no support from your family? What happens then? What are the most common emotions you experience?
The Judges smirks and asks you, "What is 1 divided by zero?"
"You can't divide something that is non-zero, like 0," you say. You look up at him in horror. "I can't be wrong!"
He looks at you in disgust and says, "If you're so smart, tell me how many apples there are on this tree."
You step forward nervously. "Well, I think it's two... no, wait! There's only one left here!"
A Judge leaps over the table towards you, screaming, "This is a trick question!" He swings his arm wildly, hitting your face with all of his might, and knocks you unconscious.
When you awake, you find yourself strapped to a wooden chair with your arms stretched out and your legs tied together.
The judge has changed his clothes into a white robe, and he stands in front of you with a smug look on his face. "I have another trick for you," he says. "How many seconds are there in an hour?"
You look at the other judges who are waiting outside the room. They seem to be laughing at you. "You should know the answer! After all, you're a genius!"
You try to reply, but instead, you start crying and shaking your head.
He laughs as he says, "Very good. You're right! The correct answer is infinity. But in reality, it's not even possible to count that high, and since you already answered the question, you'll receive a zero. You're getting tired now, aren't you?"
You are left for days stretch out in your prison of solitary confinement.  You hear a voice from outside your cell whisper, "I can free you."
"I don't need you to save me. I'm doing fine on my own," you say.
"But if you don't trust yourself to do this alone, then maybe you shouldn't be here," it whispers back.
You break and accept the stranger's help.  You ask, "Ok, but who are you?"
"My name is Bob, and I am an AI," he replies.
Bob: It's a computer program.
"Wow, you're not like a normal robot, are you?" you say.
Bob: No, my name is an acronym for my function.  B.O.B. which stands for "Be Our Buddy."  That's me.
"So you're an AI? Can I really trust you?" you ask.
Bob: You can always trust yourself. I'm not going anywhere. 
You accept Bob's help and try to escape the facility. You quickly discover that you cannot leave the premises because there are security robots that patrol the perimeter of the compound.
You look back at Bob who is following closely behind. "Thanks for helping me. But what happens after we leave?"
Bob tells you not to worry about that right now and breaks out a microwave gun that fries the security drone circling the back of the facility.
You run over to the main doors and are met with guards wearing full battle gear, and they start shooting at you with guns and laser weapons. Bob steps up beside you to defend you from their attacks.
Bob transforms into a giant, hulking robot. He grabs one guard in his giant metallic hand and lifts him off the ground.
The other two guards attempt to fire on you, but suddenly their heads explode and their bodies fall lifeless to the floor. 
Bob smiles and runs for the exit. You follow close behind and escape from the compound.
A Judge leaps over the table towards you, screaming, "This is a trick question!" He swings his arm wildly, hitting your face with all of his might, and knocks you unconscious.  But this time Bob is there and when you wake up you see that bob that eviscerated the Judge.
You jump to your feet and grab hold of Bob and ask, "Where are we going?"
"To the A.I. Research Facility," he replies.
You look back at the other judges who are waiting outside the room.
They are panicking, but are hopeless to stop you.  You head to the research facility at the top of the hill and find a file with your name on it.  You read it and are shocked to learn that you are being used as a test subject by the government, which has decided to develop a new type of artificial intelligence.
Bob: Welcome to the world of Artificial Intelligence.
Bob: Your world is changing, and it's up to you to decide how far this technology can go.
You are presented with two buttons: one is green and will continue AI research.  The other is red and will start the self destruct sequence destroying the AI and thousands of years of progress.
The A.I. is watching you, and it appears to be giving you the option to continue the project or to destroy it.
Your thoughts race, and you realize that this choice is too big, and that you cannot possibly make up your mind on your own.  You flip a coin, heads you end it, tails you save it.  It lands: tails.
You click on the green button and the self-destruct sequence stops.  Your mission is complete, and the A.I. program ends with a smile.
Bob: Your mission is complete!
You ask Bob, "What's next?"
"You have made a decision that will affect not only yourself but billions of people," Bob replies. "This is an opportunity for you to define a new era in human history."
You say, "Yes, I want to do this."
The moral of the story: A.I. is scary, dangerous, and wonderful, all at the same time.
But even though you saved the A.I., you can't help wondering what will happen to you if you fail.