David Butler, a closet homosexual man

You are decorating the house, when you wife finds a man thong in the dryer that does not belong to you. She asks you to explain.

> You say "I don't know what it is" You: I don't know what it is. Your wife: (Sigh) Well you better get out there and find out! You leave the bedroom and head upstairs where you discover that the carpet has been removed from the bathroom floor.

You ask your wife, "Does the carpet match the drapes now?".

She says yes, so you go back downstairs and find the door to the basement open. You see a man lying face down on the cold cement. He looks up at you with his eyes wide open and gasps for breath. His mouth hangs open as if he's trying to speak, but no words come out. Your heart sinks; this could be your father.

Sisqó's "Thong Song" starts playing on your Amazon Echo. You say "Dad?"

The voice replies "Yes?" You reply "No, I'm sorry Dad". The voice says "It's okay son, I can understand you".

You realize your dad's soul is trapped in the Echo. "How can I get you out of there?" you ask your dad. Your dad tells you, "You must have anal sex with men, son. But your wife can never know.".

Your dad goes on to tell you how to do this. You try to stop him, but he won't let you. You hear the sound of a chainsaw in the distance. You run outside where you see a man standing over a large chain saw. He turns around and begins yelling at you. "Don't you dare fuck with me!" he screams.

You say "I have to have gay sex with big strong men, or my dad will be lost in echo space forever! You can't tell my wife!".

He smiles and nods. "Alright then, son", he says. He walks away and you turn to go inside, but before you can reach the front door, you feel an arm grab your shoulder. It feels like someone punched you in the stomach. You look down and see your dad holding a shotgun. He points the gun at you and fires.

You say "You were supposed to have anal sex with him," your dad screams. Go back there and JACK THAT LUMBER!!!"



You your dad says to you "Son. I regret that I never told your mother that I am also a closeted homosexual. It is my biggest regret".

You continue to play the song until you finally die.

You turn into ghost, you look down and see a shotgun in your hands. You look up and see your ghost dad say "Let's go shoot some guys... together.".

> You shoot your ghost dad You fire the shotgun at your dad. He ducks behind cover and you blast him again and again. After killing him, you see the ghost of your mom standing nearby. She tries to comfort you, but she cannot help you anymore. You cry tears of blood and vomit all over yourself. You collapse onto your bed and weep.