You are Dwayne Doyle. You sell used car doors for a man called Crazy Carl. The two of you have been in prison together, and the only reason that neither one of you is dead yet is because your cellmate is crazy enough to be scared by what he sees as a ghost story." Crazy Carl always says in his commercials that every used car comes haunted with a real actual ghost, and that is his haunted guarantee! He never fails -- not once!" You were about ready to cry. Your eyes were wet, but your voice remained strong. "I'm sorry I lied about my name," you said. "It was just easier than telling the truth." "That's all right," she told you. She reached out her hand and patted your shoulder gently. Her touch felt warm and soft on your skin. The woman was Shayne Soyle, Crazy Carl's niece and your crush. You ask Shayne if she believes in ghosts. "Well," she answers, "I've seen some things that can't really be explained away as natural causes." Shayne is a pretty girl with long black hair. A few days after meeting Shayne, you find yourself lying naked on top of her in bed, kissing each other passionately. You notice a pot of gold that a customer named Tony won from playing poker sitting in the corner of your room. At first, you were happy to have it in your home. But lately, you suspect the pot of gold might be haunted. You try to tell Shayne about your suspicions, but she doesn't believe you. After all, she tells you, she's seen things too. One day, while you're talking to Shayne, you hear a strange noise coming from outside. You see an ethereal figure zoom up into the tree. It's a beautiful blonde girl dressed in white. She smiles at you before disappearing into thin air. A few nights later, you go out to get more milk for dinner when you see another apparition, this time wearing a red dress. You notice in is the same ghostly image of a woman, but dressed far more seductively. She looks directly at you and smiles. She appears again a couple days later. This time, she wears a blue dress and seems very friendly. The next night, you walk outside and look up into the sky. You setup a ghost snare and finally trap this ghost long enough to talk with it. You ask the ghostly figure, "What is your name and why do you keep stalking me!?" The ghostly figure floats down to earth and speaks. "My name is Cassie. I'm a ghost and I love men who are brave enough to fight against their fears!" Cassie grabs your cock through your pants and squeezes tightly. Just as things are about to hot and heavy, Crazy Carl runs outside in his nightgown yelling, "Who's making all this damn noise? It's bed time!" You look back and Cassie has disappeared. Your face burns bright red as you run inside and hide under the covers. Shayne asks, "So what did you learn?" "Nothing," you say. "I don't know what I saw." The next day at work, you ask Crazy Carl where he gets all of his ghosts that he claims to put into the cars he sells. "I found them in an abandoned house in Florida," Carl tells you. "They used to live there and they died in a fire. They wanted revenge on those who torched their home." You ask Crazy Carl if there is any chance that some of the ghosts could loose and roam the neighborhood. "No way," Carl laughs. "All of the ghosts that I use are trapped within the walls of my garage. That way, they can't cause trouble for anyone else." Later that evening, you take a shower and you think about the ghost girl. Suddenly the ghost girl appears in the shower with you. "Hello," she says. "My name is Cassie." "Oh my god," you gasp. "Cassie, how are you here?" "I'm a ghost," she explains. You ask Cassie, "Did you use to live in Florida? Are you one of the ghosts that died in a fire?" "Yes," she says. "I lived in Florida and I died in a fire." "I'm so sorry," you say. "Don't be," she says. "I'm still alive and I have plenty of fun living in this world." You ask Cassie how she escaped Crazy Carl's garage. "I didn't escape," she says. "Carl let me out." "Why would he do that?" you ask. "Because I helped him sell his cars," she explains. Cassie explains that she used to be Central Florida's top selling car salesman for 15 years before she died. The idea of putting ghosts into used cars was actually Cassie's idea in the first place. You ask Cassie if she ever thought about having sex with a man. "Sure," she says. "Lots of times. I had lots of boyfriends back in the day. But I never found a guy who was brave enough to make love to me." You say, "I'm brave." "Are you?" she asks. "Yeah," you say. "Come over to my house tonight," Cassie says. "We'll have a great time together." You ask her, "Will Crazy Carl be there?" Cassie looks confused by your question, but says, "Yes." You ask, "How will we get away from him?" "Don't worry," she says. "He won't bother us while we're in my house." You ask, "How did you get into his garage?" "I just went inside," Cassie says. "It was easy. He has no security system or anything like that." You say, "Ok. I'll come over after work tomorrow night." You sneak over to Crazy Carl's garage late at night. Cassie was right, there is no security at all. Cassie appears jingling about 30 sets of used car keys. You ask, "What are these for?" Cassie explains that she has just saw Gone in 60 seconds and wants to steal all of the cars at the same time. You see a group of ghosts ready to drive away at any moment. You grab Cassie's hand and run to the nearest car. "Which one do you want?" she asks. "This one," you say. "Ok," Cassie says. You grab the fastest car on the lot: a black muscle car with white racing stripes. You jump in the driver's seat and start it up. As you pull out of Crazy Carl's parking space, you hear a loud crash. You thought the car was in reverse, but it was actually in drive and you have now crashed the muscle car into Crazy Carl's living room. You look back and see the other ghosts pulling away in their stolen cars. "Oh shit," you exclaim. "I've ruined everything." You turn around and see Crazy Carl standing in the doorway of his house. Crazy Carl watches as all the ghosts drive off with his remaining cars and turns around to see you sitting in his favorite car. There are no words to explain the rage Crazy Carl is feeling right now. You watch as Crazy Carl stomps down the street and jumps onto the hood of your car. "What are you doing?" you scream. "I'm going to destroy you," Crazy Carl screams. Crazy Carl hotwires your car and drives to your apartment. You rush home and see that Crazy Carl has gone to town with a baseball breaking everything you own: lamps, mirrors, your TV, your computer, your bed, and your clothes. You pick up your broken phone and call the police. The next morning, the cops show up at your door. The cops show up and you tell them everything: the ghosts, Cassie, Gone in 60 Seconds, and your accidental car crash of Crazy Carl's car. After the cops leave, you walk out to the driveway where you see Crazy Carl's car smashed into a tree. You ask, "Is he dead?" "No," the cop answers. You see Crazy Carl sitting on a branch of the tree drinking heavily. You ask, "Where's Cassie?" "She ran away," the cop says. "Did she take the cars?" you ask. "No," he says. "They're still here." You realize that the Ghost's were just going on a joyride and not actually stealing Crazy Carl's cars. You tell Crazy Carl to get out of the tree and talk with you, but he refuses. You apologize profusely. "You know what?" Crazy Carl says. "I don't give a shit. It's your fault anyway." You ask, "How so?" "You should have listened to me," Crazy Carl says. You flashback and remember the first thing Crazy Carl told you about ghosts: "Ghosts aren't real. They're just an urban legend." You ask, "Why didn't you believe me?" "Because I knew that they weren't real," Crazy Carl says. You try to convince Crazy Carl that ghosts ARE real, but he refuses to listen and continues to blame you for everything. Then the ghost of Cassie appears in front of both of you! "You guys can stop fighting now!" she says. "Get out of my head!" Crazy Carl screams. "I think you two should be friends," Cassie says. "I am NOT your friend," Crazy Carl screams. You tell Crazy Carl, "You are not are not crazy Carl, I can see her, too!" "Get out of my head!" Crazy Carl screams again. "I am not getting out of your head," Cassie says. "I'm just going to sit here and watch." You and Crazy Carl argue with Cassie until you decide to go inside your apartment. You eventually wait for Crazy Carl to cool off and eventually he believes you and realizes that his whole life is a lie and he is just Regular Carl. He apologizes to you and promises never to haunt you again. You and Crazy Carl shake hands and hug each other. Then Crazy Carl disappears and Cassie reappears. "I am sorry," she says. You ask, "Where did Carl go?" and Cassie explain she sent Carl to the shadow realm. "So," you say. "It's over now?" "Yes," Cassie says. "I'm done haunting you. But I'll always love you." You smile and kiss Cassie goodbye.