Cory Montana, a drug lord living on a farm in Stardew Valley

Posted under Cory Montana, EP310 #2, Story On By Chief

You are Cory Montana, a drug lord living on a farm in Stardew Valley. You have just completed the deal of your life, adding about 80 million gold to your bank account. Unfortunately, your flight from Miami back to Pelican Town is delayed by several hours. By the time you land, it's already 1am! You sprint through the streets, but fail to make it inside time. At exactly 2am, you pass out in front of your house. The next morning, you wake up with half your usual energy. You find a letter in your mailbox stating that Dr. Harvey found and treated you, but charged you 25 million gold! You swear revenge, but first you have to tend to your farm.

As you walk around the farm, you notice that there are no signs of recent activity.
you look in the fields to see Big Hands Hancock, your large handed bodyguard, tending the garden. He runs up to you and says "these were ripe so I picked him" he shows you a handful of mushed tomatoes.

He continues "I also got some potatoes, carrots and beets for you."

You laugh at his boasting. "Well, you're welcome Big Hands. I'm sure we can work something out."
you know you'll need something to get revenge on Dr. Harvey with so you go to your tree of Aperture Science combustible lemons, full of ripe fruit and collect several lemons.
As you leave the farm, you notice a strange light beaming from far away. You can't resist it so you go check it out.
When you approach the light, you find a small girl by herself picking flowers. She notices you and runs away through the forest.
> You chase the girl, who is around your age, through the forest.
You chase the girl for over a mile through the forest. You catch up and ask her name. She tells you "Ral" then runs again.
You toss a combustible lemon in her direction as a warning shot. She easily dodges it and runs again. You swear to yourself and chase her once more through the forest.
> You get lost and begin to hear voices in the dark.
You find yourself lost in the pitch dark as you hear a strange voice repeatedly whispering "sleep sleep sleep... ." You feel your body getting heavy and realize you are sleep.
You wake up in your bed and rush to the mailbox.  You have again been "saved" by Dr Harvey and charged 17 million dollars. You can't wait to get revenge.
you concoct a tall glass of combusting lemonade and carefully deliver it to Dr. Harvey.
Two weeks pass...
You casually walk into the farmhouse to find a note on the table.
You pickup the note and read: "I am not Barbra Streisand"
You drop the note and consider your next course of action.
you run into town naked screaming "I am not Barbra Streisand"
A week later, you receive the following letter:
I'm sorry you still had doubt. I am not her.
Dr. Harvey
> You break into Dr. Harvey's office.
You sneak into Dr. Harvey's office and quickly grab the medical textbook he apparently uses as a bible for his medical practice. You search the office quickly, but there is no sign of his safe.
> You look behind a painting on the wall and find a keypad to the safe.
You notice a painting on the wall and reach over it to find a button. You push it and the painting reveals a safe with the door wide open. You grab the files and rush out the office.
You grab the files and rush back home.  You see the first file is titled: "How To Steal Cory Montana's fortune"
You open the file and begin reading.
You see the file is written by Dr Phil, the God of Medicine, and lays out a detailed plane to distract you and take your money when you pass out.
The first step is easy: have some black paint thrown all over your body to look like you've been in a horrible car crash.
> You ask Big Hands Hancock to throw black paint all over you.
You quickly send Big Hands to your house to grab some black paint. He comes back within minutes with a can of some generic black car paint.
> You say "Spray me down"
You tell Big Hands to spray you down and you stand there as he coats you with the paint.
"What are you doing!?" he asks. "You'll get paint in your hair!"
You follow the files copious instructions in an attempt to get your money back from Dr Harvey.
Step 1: Go to his office and get his files as proof of fraud.
You get in your car and drive to the address listed for Dr. Harvey. You find the clinic and walk inside.
You approach the front desk and speak to the secretary.
"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Dr. Harvey?" you ask.
"Second door on the right," she replies in a British accent.
You approach the office and open the door to be confronted by a girl who looks to be about your age.
You recognize her as the girl from the forest and blow Dr Harveys money stealing scheme wide open.
Her boyfriend at the time, Ben, later uses the information she gave him to track down Dr. Harvey and kill him.
You are the hero of the day!
The moral of the story: If you're going to rob a bank, rob a British one.
You exit out the door and drive home. You have made it out of another heist alive!