Cory, a guy who wants to borrow Jim’s tuxedo so he can go to a fancy party

Posted under Episode 228, Story On By Chief

You are Cory, a guy who wants to borrow Jim's tuxedo so he can go to a fancy party. Since Jim has a cold, you figure he wouldn't mind if you borrowed his tuxedo. When you get inside, you see Jim strutting around his house in his tuxedo. You ask, "What are you doing?" Jim shrugs. You say, "You're sick, so you should be in bed." Jim replies, "I may be sick, but I feel like partying." Jason walks up to the front door, while you say to Jim, "Take off your clothes and get back to bed!" After hearing you say that, Jason walks away.
"Hey, where are you going?" Jim asks.

> You stare into Jim's beautiful eyes and say "I need your gross suit"
Jim's eyes widen. "W-why?" he asks.

> You say "Because I'm going to a wedding, MY wedding!"
Jim's eyes narrow. "W-why?"
You see Ulrich Bender, a german sleep Therapist, exit the bathroom. "We're going to a wedding." You say to Ulrich.
"What kind of wedding?" Jim asks.
You reply, "The best kind." You add, "Cory's wedding."
You say that this is your 100th wedding of your life, you just really like to party. "I'm going to have the time of my life." You say.
"You're a really sick person, you know that?" Jim asks as he dresses himself.
You pregame hard with the boys and show up to your own wedding very intoxicated. Upon arriving at the wedding, you sit down at the head table and begin drinking champagne. You begin a long conversation with the person sitting to your left about how much you both love weddings.
You ask this guy what his name is and he tells you it's Don Draper, which you don't believe. You ask him to prove his name, and he says "A man never tells."
You begin playing footsie with the person sitting on your right.

> You and your wife repeat your vows at the reception:.
After the wedding, you and your new wife stand up at the reception. Everyone gathers around you as you say your vows to each other in a loving embrace.
Finally, it's time to kiss the bride.
You look down at the note with your vows written and you read:
I, Dr. Frank N. Stein, take you Elizabeth Stein to be my wife. I promise to support you in your medical career. I will help you any way I can. I will always be there for you. I will do everything in my power to make you happy, as long as we both shall live.
You lean in for a kiss with your new wife, but accidentally lean the wrong way and kiss Don Draper.
The crowd laughs.
Elizabeth gets up from her seat and runs out of the reception.
You get up from your seat and follow Elizabeth outside.
When you get outside, Elizabeth is nowhere to be found. You look around, quite baffled.
A car pulls up, screaming to a halt. Two guys get out with chloroform and duct tape in hand. "Elizabeth!"
When you wake up, you are in concrete basement and see Elizabeth's brother standing there starring at you. He shrugs.
"What's the point of holding you two? I have enough evidence to put both of you away for good. Now, it's time to die."

> You tell Elizabeth's brother you will annul the marriage if he lets you live.
Elizabeth's brother laughs and says "I'm going to have a little fun with you." He fills a syringe with acid and injects it into your heart.
Unfortunately for Elizabeth's brother, the acid makes your heart go into overdrive and your adrenaline gives you super strength that let's you easily break out of your restraints.
You grab him with one hand and begin squeezing. It's only a few moments before his bones crack and he dies.
You hear a scream and run to it.
The source of the scream is Elizabeth, and she's being held against a wall by her throat.
You look at her and your mind briefly flashes back to that night you spent together.
You describe that wild and crazy night:
You had been drinking at the bar when a girl came in wanting to go home. You obliged her.
Suddenly, you were in a hotel room with a girl who's name you learned was Elizabeth.
You see Bumblstien the unicorn, a halucination brought about by the acid injected into your heart. He speaks in an a thick Russian accent and his horn is a bottle of Smirnov.
"Young man! You and Elizabeth are sitting in a field on a spring day. It is nice, but not too nice. You both have a book.
The moral of the story: Everything in excess! Don't you agree, young man?"
Elizabeth punches you in the face. "Don't listen to him. He's crazy.