You are at your client's house who is also a wizard. You are cleaning his couch when you find a few magic beans stuck in the cushion. You put them in your pocket. The next day you go to work. "Chris?" you call out as you enter the room. "What do you have for me today?" He turns around with an annoyed expression on his face. "I found these magical beans under your chair". He explains. "They're not very big but they could be quite valuable if we can get rid of them". You head to market to find a sucker to whom you shall sell these beans. Day after day you travel from town to town selling these beans. The wizards don't like it one bit. They think you're stealing their property! They even accuse you of being a thief themselves. But you say that it's all because you love magic so much. After all, you were born into this family too. You eat the remainder of the stolen beans when a wizard knocks on your door. "Mr. Strapworth, I've been looking for you" he says. "Yes?" you reply. "Can you spare some gold coins? Because I'm going to buy some new clothes and then I'll be heading back home". He hands you a bag full of money. "Thank you!" you shout. a small beanstalk begins to grow out of your butthole . > You continue... Your life continues as usual until one night a man comes to your door. He has a large black dog which looks at you suspiciously. It appears to want to attack you. "Hello Mr. Strapworth, what brings you here tonight?" he asks. "A dog attacked my butt, I need help". You answer. You accuse the dog, whose name is, Sir Barkington, of attacking your buttstalk. "Well sir, it's true, I did see him there, and I'm sorry about that". He says. "No, no, it was a misunderstanding, just let me take care of it". You insist. "Sir, you really should apologize to my dog, he does look awfully sorry". You tell him. You apologize and sew couch cushions onto the man's butt for free to protect him from future dog bites. > You continue... You continue working as normal, until one day a wizard shows up at your door. He opens it and walks inside. "Hey Mr. Strapworth, I've been looking for you". He tells you. You explain how you got the idea to make magic beans and how you made your first batch. "Oh yeah, I remember that". The wizard is made you stole his beans. He waves his wand, and your buttstalk grows longer and thicker. Strangely, it is sprouting corn instead of beans. He is angry and calls you a thief. "I didn't steal anything, I swear!". You protest, but the wizard doesn't budge. He casts a spell, and you become invisible. You try to run away, but the wizard catches you before you leave. the buttstalk panics and begins to choke the wizard . You feel pain in your assstalk and decide to kill the wizard. You grab your buttstalk and stab the wizard in the neck with it. You say "Prepared to be strangled by my dangle" while holding the knife. The wizard falls dead on the floor. The buttstalk panics and begins to choke the wizard. "Now you will die, my good man". You hear the wizard whisper before dying. You feel great that the wizard called you a good man. You go through his pockets to see if he wrote anything else great about you. You find nothing, but he said something about being a thief. You are now a famous wizard. People come to see you every time you visit a city. Years pass... You A girlfriend records herself having sex with you, without your knowledge. She releases it as an adult film titled. "Jack Off The Beanstalk.". You are very happy with this accomplishment. Years pass...You get married to your sweetheart and live happily ever after.