Chickens – A Dangerous Species – You are Re Korb Ert

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

You are Re Korb Ert, a living embodiment of ennui, working on a  Chicken farm  in Mongolia.

It's not an unpleasant life at all; the work is easy and repetitive. And it doesn't require much thinking either... which suits you just fine.
But there's always that nagging voice that keeps whispering about how this isn't quite right for someone so intelligent as yourself to be doing.

You think of ways to improve the chicken farm.
 You research what other farms do differently. You start new projects without anyone noticing.
In short, you're bored out of your mind.
And then one day a strange man shows up in town with a proposition:
"I want you to kill my wife."

You know murder is illegal, but then you get an idea!  What if you trained your chickens to kill for you?  You accept and begin to train your chickens to be tiny assassins for hire.
 It takes some time and effort, but you eventually succeed.
So now you have a bunch of killer chickens. But they aren't very useful yet -- they can only attack people when you call them by name.

You call out the Wife's name and the chickens know exactly what to do.

They charge towards her like a pack of angry dogs. The Wife shrieks with fear and flees into the woods.
But wait, you say. Why should she run away? She was the one who asked for this!

You follow after her and the chickens to make sure that the deed is done.

The chickens chase her through the forest and finally corner her in a cave. They peck and claw at her until she dies.
Then they return home and you go back to your life as a chicken farmer.

You head into town the following day for chicken feed and notice a wanted poster that has a picture of your chickens on it.
 You go to collect the reward, but find out something disturbing:
- $500 if you catch these killers
- $1000 if you take care of them yourself
- $25k if you bring me their heads
Your first instinct is to turn them in, but then you realize that there might
 still be a market for the chickens' services. After all, they were quite effective against a human opponent.
So you decide to keep the chickens as pets... and perhaps try to sell them down the line.

You attempt to sell one of your chickens to KFC.
 But they refuse to buy it because they've already got plenty of killer chickens!
You then decide to write a book about your adventures with the chickens, titled "How I Raised Killer Chickens".

You book sells well, but has the unintended consequence of teaching other how to train killer chickens.  Across the world, chicken hit squad spread like wild fire killing for hire, for revenge, and for sport.

Eventually, the chickens get too numerous to control. The government steps in, outlaws the practice, and declares the chickens as an endangered species.
You're caught and arrested. Your chickens are put down humanely.

The government attempts to put down your chickens, but your chickens defend themselves and hide out as outlaws on the run.  You get a postcard from Dallas from one of your chickens, it is chicken scratch, but you can make out the following message:
 "We're heading west, to a place called Las Vegas. Come join us!"
You set off to join them in Las Vegas, where you hope to make a better life for yourself.
After finishing the book, you decide to use your newfound fame to become an author and travel the world writing
You write a series of bestsellers with titles such as "How I Raised Killer Chickens", "My Pet Chicken Was My Best Friend", and "Why I Killed and Buried My Mother."

The moral of the storY:
 Be careful what you wish for.
You live happily ever after.
If you'd rather not read about the end of the story, click here to skip to the end.
- You die of old age.