You see that your ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend are waiting in-line. After they get on the roller-coaster, you make the roller-coaster move five times faster than usual. You're hoping that the boyfriend will fall and get hurt, which will give you a chance to win back your ex-girlfriend. Your boss sees what's happening and immediately sends a security-guard to stop you and slow down the machine. He tells you that he'll have you fired if you don't do something about this right now. You are sent to Cedar Point detention for your offense. Here you encounter all the bad boy and bad girl workers at the amusement park. They take pity on you and let you stay inside the amusement park with them as long as you promise not to cause any trouble. As you spend more time here, you start thinking of your ex-girlfriend. You want her so badly. She was the one who made you feel good when you were feeling down. You think about how she would be really disappointed by what happened today. You tell the others you have a plan to break out of Cedar point detention center. They don't believe you, but you insist. You say "Who will join me in my quest for freedom!" They look at each other and then you both agree to help you. You reveal that you've installed a secret button that turns the detention room into the fast ride. You ride the detention room onto the freeway and get into a high speed police chase. When you finally crash into a tree, you realize that it wasn't too dangerous after all. Now you know why you got sent to detention... You throw down a handful of powdered sugar and disappear in a cloud of confection. You immediately set out to find your ex-girlfriend, who is somewhere in the park. You see she is still stuck on the ride, she is hanging from her dress on the Fast-o-tron 3000. You have to scale the ride and help her! > The Ride The ride is called the "Fast-o-Tron 3000" and there are three levels to this ride: 1) Normal - This level has lots of people riding the ride together and no danger whatsoever. It looks like a normal coaster ride. 2) Extreme - This level is where things get crazy. You continue. 3) Wild - This level is the craziest yet. There is no one on the ride, just two guys standing next to each other talking. They are trying to figure out how to turn the train around, but they can't seem to figure out how to do it. Eventually one says "We need to go wild". And then they run off the train. You make a lasso out of saltwater taffy and use it to sling your way onto the ride. You jump up and down and scream "I'm free!". Then you start running along the track towards your ex-girlfriend. The guy who is sitting beside her is holding his hand over his mouth and doesn't even notice you until you reach him. He runs after you. When you come near her, she is surprised to see you. She asks "Where did you come from?" You say "From a place of love." She smiles and says "That's sweet", but then she notices the man behind you. She screams "What the hell are you doing? Get away from me!"The man says "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you".Then he begins walking toward you. Suddenly the train stops. A voice comes through the speaker "Welcome to the world of the future". You realize the man is not her boyfriend but another ex-boyfriend. He might hurt her. "I might have to go wild," you tell the man. "But I won't kill you". The man smiles and nods. "Very well, I guess we'll play. Let's play the game of life". You pull out your copy of Life, the board game. You play with Future Man while dodging incoming train cars filled with screaming patrons. You lose because you never figured out how to get past him. You are left crying in the parking lot. You return to Future World, where you see a door marked C. You walk through it. A bright light fills your eyes and you begin to hear voices. "So how did it go?" "It went great". "How did you like the ride?" "It was fun". "Did you meet anyone new?" "No, but thank you". You say "Tell me how I can win my ex-girlfriend back." > You try again later... A few days later you are outside the amusement park and you are met by an older woman. "Oh hello, how are you doing?" she asks. "Hi, how are you?" "Good, how about you?" "Hello, how are you?" "Same old same old, how are you?" You say "So, how are thing?" "Well, I am fine, I had a nice day". "Hm, well, I hope you enjoy your trip to the park, I sure enjoyed mine. Good luck!" You leave the park and walk to your car. You open the door and step outside. You're surrounded by green hills and trees. You can hear birds singing and animals chirping. You run back in the park realizing you are terrible at talking to woman and ask that older woman out to dinner. She smiles. "Sure, let me take you to the restaurant". You smile back. "Sounds good". After driving around town and eating dinner at a fancy restaurant, you decide to call it a night. "Let's talk tomorrow morning". "Okay, sounds good". You hang up and drive home. You call the woman and ask her to spend the night with you. > You go to sleep... You fall asleep and dream about your ex-girlfriend. You wake up and realize what happened. You were dreaming. You are lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. You look at yourself in the mirror. You don't like this. You look at the floor and think about your ex-girlfriend. How could you be so stupid? You confess to the older woman that you are still in love with your ex-girlfriend. You tell her if she is cool with that, the two of you can still bang. The older woman tells you to not worry about it. She said she will help you and that everything is going to work out. She also gives you some money for gas. You agree and go into the bathroom to wash up. You remember that the older woman told you to wear something sexy. So you put on a dress and heels. Then you head out of the room. You say "Is this sexy enough for you?" The younger woman looks at you. "Yes, yes it is". You go to the front desk and tell them what happened. They laugh. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got all that stuff here". They give you directions and tell you to find the bar. You walk to the bar and there it is. It looks exactly like the pictures. You stumble to the bar wearing your high heels. You ask the bartender for two old fashioneds. "They aren't served here" he says. "Why not?" "Because they are too expensive and no one drinks those anymore". "What do you mean?" "Because it costs too much now and people don't want to drink them anymore, so we don't serve them anymore". "So why do you keep serving them anyway?" You leave the T.G.I.Fridays and go to a real bar. You feel weaker the farther you get from the theme park. You order a beer and a whiskey sour. You start to wonder if there isn't something wrong with you. You also wonder if you should just quit drinking altogether. You decide to stay sober until you go to the doctor or whatever. You find a doctor or something in a back alley behind a 7-11. You get a checkup and a physical to find out what is wrong with your health. > You continue... You continue drinking and then suddenly you wake up. You groggily sit up. You have woken up drunk and you are freaking out. What time is it? Is it noon? It doesn't matter; you need to get to work. You rush to the nearest exit and run as fast as you can down the street. It is your day to run the ferris wheel, the most coveted job at the park. There are a line of angry patrons waiting in line -- including your ex-girlfriend. She saw you coming and ran over to the entrance. You see her and you know she knows what you did. You need to apologize right away. You quickly get dressed. You grab your keys and phone and leave. You don't care who sees you. You only care that you get to work early and you can make it home before midnight. You give your ex-girlfriend a ride to the park in a bumper car. You tell her, "I don't know, you're not like other girls. I feel like I can just talk to you.". You arrive at the park and you are nervous. The place is packed with families and couples. Everyone is looking at you. You look up and down the line and see that you are the first person there. The park opens an hour earlier than normal because of you. You enter the Ferris Wheel and begin to spin. The crowd cheers. You pull out a giant flask of whiskey, you can't stand to see all these other happy families. Why can't you have a happy family? The hot day mixed with the heavy drinking makes you wasted by 10am. You try to focus on spinning but you lose track of time. Suddenly a voice booms out. "Hey! Hey! Whoa!" A group of kids come running toward you. They are laughing and smiling. They are probably ten years old. Their parents are yelling at them to stop. You turn around and see that it is your ex-girlfriend. You realize your girlfriend is a mother. You look at her son. He is standing at the head of the line and pretending to be an amusement park worker, just like you... Your ex-girlfriend grabs you and kisses you passionately. Her boyfriend stands nearby watching. They kiss and embrace. You are speechless and confused. You are lost in their arms. She continues to kiss you and caress you. You are completely taken aback. You don't understand how you could ever hate her. This was a dream after all. You say "Have you heard of polyamory?" your ex-girlfriend ask you. Her boyfriend looks at you and smiles. He nods his head and says "yes". You smile and nod your head in agreement. Then you hear a loud noise and the whole park goes quiet. You look up and see a bright flash that blindsides you. You look up and see a huge black hole in the sky. You look down and see the ground beneath you. You are falling through space. You see God, he tells you "polyamory is an afront to me!!! You must go back to Earth a serial monogamist... OR ELSE! The excesive drinking is fine though." The black hole closes and you are back in the park in front of your ex and her new fling. You run away. The voice of god rings in your head: "Obey my will, or I shall bring down the Six Flags of the apocalype to destroy this park of amusements that you hold so dear!" END You go back to your girlfriend and give her an ultimatem. You tell her "You have to pick me or him. I NEED TO BE MONOGYMUS OR GOD WILL DESTROY MY SOUL". She picks you. You laugh and cry in joy. Then you fall asleep. You spend all night starring at your newly reunited girlfriend. God appear and checks that there is only two people under the sheets, he gives you a thumbs up and says "Nice!". A few days ago we reported that HTC had released a teaser video for its upcoming One M9 smartphone which showed off a very familiar logo. Now, a new image has been leaked online showing off some more details about the device. HTC's One M9 comes with a 5. You call work on your One M9 smartphone. You and your boss marvel at the signal quality and clarity of speech of the One M9. You tell your boss you are taking the day off to go to the cellphone store and buy your girlfriend a market-leading One M9. Your boss asks if you are sure. You reply "YES! I am SO glad I chose you and your brand over Samsung, LG and Sony!!"Your boss is impressed and tells you to keep up the good work. You take your girlfriend to the supermarket, where she buys a large bag of chips. After buying some milk, you drive home and sit on the couch with your girlfriend. You realize you forgot to stop the Ferris wheel and that children and families have been stuck on the ride for the past 34 hours. You hop out of bed and rush to the park where you can hear the screams from the parking lot. Your boss is yelling at you to shut off the ride, but the shutoff button is not working. You are going to have to climb the wheel and turn it off with manual override in the center of the wheel. You grab the lever and push it. The ride stops and you look at the ride attendant who is trying to get you off the ride. You grab his hand and start pulling him off the ride. The ride attendant falls off the ride and hits his head against a wall. You feel bad for what you did and apologize profusely. You check his pulse. It isn't beating anymore. You think about how you should help him. Then you remember that you left your keys in your car. You don't want to risk losing them again. You decide to do something fun like go to the ATM machine. You pull out your phone and dial the number. When you arrive at the bank, you find that the ATM doesn't work. Instead of money, the ATM spits out a defibrillator machine. You grab it and run back to the park and use it to revive the fallen worker. When you return to the park, you see the ride attendant lying dead in the middle of the track. A crowd gathers around the body. You try to comfort them. "I'm sorry everyone. I didn't mean to kill him. It was an accident. My job is dangerous and I need to get better. Please forgive me". You turn on the Ferris wheel to top speed. As it reaches it's limit, the black hole in the sky opens up. You yell for God's help "GOD! PLEASE BRING BACK THIS WORKER BACK TO LIFE AND HELP ME FIND MY CAR KEYS.". Then the black hole swallows you whole. You are floating in space again. "Save the boy," you ask God. "Save him and save the world." God is moved by your words. He returns you to the living world and brings the boy back to life. "Remember, the force is with you always, Lu-- I mean, Chazz," God tells you. "Always.". This week's episode of Supernatural featured one of the most gruesome deaths ever seen on television. Dean (Jensen Ackles) shot Sam (Jared Padalecki) in cold blood because he couldn't stand seeing him suffer any longer. While this may be shocking news to some, it shouldn't be to anyone who has watched Supernatural since season one.
Chaz Bozzonaldi, a roller coaster operator
Posted under Episode 106, Story On By Chief