Chachi Jones, a crime fighting pimp who always gets his man and his girls always get him his money

Posted under Episode 127, Story On By Chief

You hear there's a gang fight going down at the roller rink tonight. You decide to stop it, because bruises are bad for businesses baby. You take your stable of girls to the roller rink to help out.

You enter the rink through the back entrance and find that it is already packed with people. Some of them look like they just came in from the streets; others look like they've been coming here all their lives. There's even one guy wearing a suit. "Hey guys! I'm Johnny Storm!" he shouts to everyone. "What can I do for ya?"

You pimp slap Johnny Storm and tell him to brace himself, there is a gang fight going down and you are going to stop it!

"I don't think so boss," says Johnny Storm. "They ain't got no gang, they're just a bunch of kids playing around".

You look over and see a bunch of 10 year old kids on roller skates having fun. You are mistaken and say "My bad.".

Johnny storms off as fast as his skates will carry him. You turn to your other two girls, who were watching this scene unfold. They nod in agreement with what you said. The rest of the crowd does not seem bothered by your statement.

Just as you sit down and decide to enjoy a night out, all the children pull out guns and unload on each other. You hit the floor and dodge the rain of bullets that is happening in the rink right now.

> You continue... The next day you wake up feeling good. You have accomplished something important today and that is to make yourself feel better about yourself. It was only yesterday that you were running away from home, but today you are actually getting paid for doing something. You are also starting to realize that maybe you should be more open minded about things.

You decide to shake all your ho's until they are as open-minded about things as you. Then you go to teach your pilates class, which you call Pimplates.

The first few days are easy. Everyone is friendly and has an open mind. After a couple weeks though, the resistance starts to rise again. People start to get afraid when they hear the word Pilates. A lot of fear comes from the fact that it sounds like it could be some sort of exercise where you put your body through endless rounds of torture. People begin to avoid you.

You decide to get new clients by joining a book club and pimp-slapping all the attendees.

This works well for awhile, but eventually people get tired of being treated like animals. They start to rebel against the system. A group of teenagers known as the Runaways come into town. They want to leave the city behind and live in a run-down shack somewhere. They refuse to work for anyone, including you. You decide to join forces with them.

You pimp slap all the Runaways until they are convinced to spread the word of your pimplates class.

After several months, the rebellion begins to die down. The Runaways are still alive and kicking, and you are still a pimp. One day while you are teaching your class, a girl walks in. She looks very young, probably in her late teens or early twenties. Her name is Karolina Waznia.

Karolina Waznia tells you that she is a officer with the F.B.I. and they need your help as an informant. She shows you her badge and her amazing smile.

You agree to help her, because you know how much she loves Pilates and you love women too much to deny her.

You make Karolina fall in love with you, then you put her to work on the street. Her nickname is "Russian Dressing.".

Your life is never the same after that.

You are in love with Karolina, but she constantly hits you and treats you like an animal. Touche.

One day while Karolina is working on the street, a car crashes into her. She screams and begs you to save her. You pimp slap the hell out of her and drive off. When you arrive at the police station, you find out that she died. Then one day you get an email from the F.B.I.

You continue.

A month later you get another email. This time it's from the FBI. They want to talk to you. You are hesitant to meet with them, because they sound scary. You figure if they really wanted to talk to you, they would have called you. So you decline. Three years pass and you are living happily ever after.

You decide to retire from pimping and go into human trafficking with your friend who owns a helicopter and fought in Vietnam.

However, things take a turn for the worse when the government decides to shut down the pimp trade due to lack of funds. Your friends are devastated and blame you. You pimp slap them and threaten to kill them if they try to hurt you anymore.