With a sudden lurch, you start awake. The pain in the back of your head leaves little clues as to how you got into your current predicament. Though they're slow to adjust, as your eyes begin to focus on the only source of light in this bleak cell, a horrid realization falls upon you: you must be in the Caves of Vaultdamn. Sweeping your attention about the room, you see nothing but the stones walls surrounding you—the mortar long since rotten and the stones damp, almost weeping moisture onto the dirt floor. Hanging from the brazier which loosely hangs to the fetid wall, a pale, flickering torch is your only hope. Beside it, a wooden door—soggy and rotten-through—hangs loosely from its rusty hinges. After taking in the situation, you slowly gather your strength and stagger to your feet. It takes a couple tries, but you find your legs are up to the task. Though slowed from your injury, you can move. Leaning on the wall for support, you make your way towards the torch and door. You know the legends of this place. There are monsters here and deadly traps besides. But you can't stay in this room. You know if you wish to survive, your only hope is to venture outside this bleak cell and into the labyrinth. > You grab you plastic bag of toilet wine and step outside your cell. As soon as you exit the stone chamber, your mind is assaulted by the stench of rot and decay. A wave of nausea washes over you, but you force yourself not to vomit. Slowly, you pick your way through the dark hallway until you reach another open doorway. > You knock on the door and enter cautiously. The room beyond is larger than the one before. The ceiling above is much higher and there are windows lining two opposite sides. The furnishings in the room are sparse, consisting mainly of rusted iron bars, some old crates, and several large barrels standing upright against the far wall. > You open one of the crates and look for food. There are no apples or potatoes inside. However, you do spot a few pieces of cheese and a moldy loaf of bread. The latter seems more appealing so you quickly tear off a hunk of the hard crust and stuff it into your mouth. > You tempt fate and gobble down the cheese ignoring your own lactose intolerance. "Mmm... Not bad," you say between bites. "I'll take these." You pull out the remaining cheese and pack it away into your pocket. Now for the bread. As you turn back to the crate, however, something catches your eye. At first glance, you think you might have found a weapon of sorts—a rusty sword leaning against the side of the crate. Curious, you bend closer and examine the blade. It looks like a normal shortsword, but the steel is too soft and weak to be used as a cutting tool. > You pick up the sword and swing it around. The blade rings sharply as you test the weight. It feels sturdy enough. For now, at least, you decide to keep the sword. With the meager supplies gathered, you start to search the rest of the cell. An weird ooze creeps through the wall. You run out of the cell you were searching and the ooze quickly takes the form of a slimy, green hand reaching out to you. You can't tell if the creature is real, but you know that the best course of action is to get the hell out of the cell. You head back to the other cell and check the door. > You reconsider and go back to high five the slimy green hand. This time, you don't hesitate. With a quick series of high fives, you grab the handle and yank open the door. A sudden blast of air and the stink of rot nearly knocks you to your knees. At first you are worried, but then realize the ooze man is just giving you a friendly ooze hug. The ooze greets you and says, "Hello meat bag, my name is Sloth. I am a slime. Do you want to play?" "Sure!" you shout. Sloth giggles and a moment later you are both rolling across the floor of the cell. You and Sloth share a bowl of delicious butter. There's a note on the bowl that says, "Property of Jason from AIPD." You're not sure what an "AIPD" is, but you are pretty damn glad to have the food. After finishing your meal, you return to your cell to find it empty. You remember what AIPD stands for: Adventure Interactive Program Division. You've heard rumors that this place is where they send people who can't hack it in the outside world. But you've never been able to figure out how they knew you weren't cut out for life on the surface. You and Sloth decide that is it time to reunite with the surface dwellers, whether they want you to or not. As you exit the cell, the stench of rot is so strong it almost makes your eyes water. Forcing yourself to ignore the nausea and smell, you follow the path of slime back to the main cavern. The main cavern is very large and you decide it would funny to yell, "heyyyyy youuuuuu guyyyyyyys!" But you don't, because it might be a trap. Instead, you proceed cautiously down the long hallway toward the sound of splashing. The sound of the pool grows louder and you make your way down the hall, passing several doors until you reach a large, open chamber at the end . It looks like a small lake. The entire room is covered in a thick layer of sludge and the only clear patch appears to be near the center, where there is an island of rock jutting out of the muck. You swim in the muck and head for the rock where you stand up and see a cave. The cave is pitch black and smells like rotting flesh. You enter the cave, which is about ten feet tall and five wide. You crawl inside and immediately notice a pair of glowing red eyes staring down at you. Without hesitation, you hold up your hand ready to accept a high five. The glow of the eyes intensifies and a slimy, green hand reaches out to you. You take the hand and the two of you begin to roll around the cave. The hand is warm and soft, but also incredibly sticky. The smell finally starts to get to you and so you find a Febreeze 100 gallon size and decide to clean the cave to rid it of that foul awful stench. You spray the area and then move to the next part of the cave. You are surprised by the number of monsters in this section of the caves. You have to constantly watch out for the many types of creatures that roam these halls, including giant rats, vicious spiders, and even a pack of hungry wolves. One of the monsters is a huge slug monster that seems to have a bit more intelligence than the other animals. You are wary of the creature, but it only follows you and does not seem to pose any real threat. > You ask Sloth and your new slime friend if they can communicate with the slug monster. Sloth laughs and says, "Sure! I'll talk to him." Sloth begins talking with the monster. "Hello there!" Sloth says cheerfully. The monster doesn't respond. > You interrupt Sloth's attempts at peaceful communication and yell, "Fuck off! You fat piece of hot steaming crap! If your not helping us escape, then get the fuck out of our way!" Sloth ignores you. You continue yelling, "Hey, asshole. You're going to have to do better than that." "I'm sorry," Sloth says. "He's having trouble understanding me. " > You tell Sloth that you were talking to the slug monster and not him. You apologize profusely and then pull out your sword to attack the silent slug. You swing the blade of your sword and cut through one of the legs on the slug monster, but it just keeps moving forward. It is too late to run, so you turn and face the beast. > You throw the crumpled cheese from earlier in hopes that the salt from the cheese will shrivel the slug monster. The slug monster stops and stares at you. Then it slowly raises its left arm and brings it down hard onto the ground, shattering the rock beneath it and creating a small crater. The slug monster turns away, leaving you alone with your terror. > You double down and attack the slug monster from behind. You notice a weak point: the underside of the thing. You slash at the exposed flesh and slice open a deep wound in the back of the slug monster. It lets out a bloodcurdling scream as you stab the monster over and over again. > You notice a treasure that the slug monster must have eaten, you pull it out and see that it is the magical amulet of. You take the amulet and immediately feel a surge of energy. You become aware of the power within you, and the world becomes a brighter place. You laugh in delight and realize how much the monsters here have been holding you back. > You free Sloth and his ooze kind from the cave and start a settlement on the surface for Ooze-kind. Your life has never felt more complete. + You gain experience points. * You find a magic item. ** You discover an ancient secret of the caves. # You find a hidden passage to the outside world.