Burton Shiggins, a world famous art restorer who loves to clean and restore old sculptures using a toothbrush

One day, while restoring the butt crack of a Greek statue, you see there is a map etched into the taint. You immediately tell your boss, Donald Trump.

"I have found a hidden treasure!" The next morning, you receive an urgent message from Trump: "Burton! I need you now! The Greeks are coming for our gold! We can't leave until we've loaded it up in the best way possible". You rush back to your workshop with all the speed you can muster, but you're too late.

You The president orders you to retrieve the gold. You protest, saying you are just an art restorer, but Trump insists you do it.

The following day, you head to the beach at Delos Island with your bullhorn. A crowd gathers around you. They want to know what's going on. You explain that you discovered a secret passage leading to the island's underground city. Everyone wants to be part of this adventure.

You tell everyone to listen to the briefing on your audio briefing Walkman that you borrowed from the museum.

You play the theme song of the show, "Mystery Science Theater 3000", as they watch the movie. After the movie, you return to the beach where you meet the rest of the expedition. They say they'll take you to Delos Island and bring you back safely. But they don't expect you to go alone. You decide to accompany them.

You show everyone a photo of the treasure map that you found on the taint of the ancient statue. You guide everyone to the secret tunnel on Delos island.

> You follow them After the group leaves, you walk alone through the tunnels. You reach a large room filled with strange machines. Suddenly, you feel something touch your hand, then another one... Then several more. Soon, you realize that these things are moving your fingers. You look down at your hands and discover that they're covered in tiny antennae. You quickly remove them.

You notice the creatures all are wearing tiny orange toupees.

They seem to be controlling their minds. Suddenly, you hear a voice. It sounds like a man, but it doesn't sound human. It seems to come from everywhere and nowhere. You try to get closer to the source of the voice, but it follows you everywhere. You slowly make your way to the exit of the cave.

You realize the mini-Trump creatures are collectively asking you for something: McDonald's.

> You ask for a Big Mac It's not enough that you got a treasure map; now you also got a big golden ticket. What a great deal! You should really eat some delicious food. That would certainly help you relax. But wait, if you're eating so much food, why aren't you feeling any better? Why are you still experiencing the symptoms of hunger?

You realize the small creatures are inside your body consuming the food that was meant for you. You are full of parasites.

You must stop eating. You must find out how many parasites you currently have.

You go to the 24-hour free parasite clinic. They tell you that to kill the parasites, you must find the queen in the tunnel and kill her by feeding her healthy foods.

You must find the queen in the tunnel, kill her, and eat her. The next morning, you wake up hungry again. You have no idea what you will do today. You only hope that you won't become even more depressed.

You re-examine the map on the statue's taint and find the exact location of the queen parasite within the tunnel system. You then head into the tunnels with a bag full of fruits, vegetables, and wheat grasses.

You enter the first chamber of the tunnels. There is a door here. You open it and step outside. A beautiful woman smiles at you. She has long blonde hair, blue eyes, and a perfect figure. Her name is Eliza and she's been waiting for you since yesterday. She asks you if you're ready to begin your journey.

You say "Yes!"

> You continue to the second chamber You enter the second chamber. This time, there is a door here. You open it and step outside. A beautiful man smiles at you. He has short brown hair, green eyes, and a very muscular build. His name is Ben and he's been waiting for you since yesterday.

You say "Yes!"

You enter the second chamber. This time, there is a door here. You open it and step outside. A handsome man smiles at you. He has medium blond hair, hazel eyes, and a nice smile. His name is William and he's been waiting for you since yesterday. You say "Yes!" You enter the second chamber.

You ask Ben "take me back to Eliza".

Ben says "Of course" You turn back towards the entrance of the tunnels. You walk forward until you see a doorway. You enter the doorway and step outside. A tall, dark haired woman smiles at you. She has grayish black hair, blue eyes, and a pretty face. Her name is Eliza and she's been waiting for you since yesterday.

You ask Eliza to take you to the Queen parasite. Her eyes go white and she flies into the ceiling. It is dark but you can hear something large skittering around up there. Then a giant Melania Trump cockroach hybrid falls from the ceiling.

Eliza screams and runs away screaming. Eliza's father comes running out of his house.

Eliza's father screams at you to leave Melania alone. While he is distracted, Melania bites off his head, then spits it out. "Don't want all those calories."

Eliza's father yells as he dies. You run to where Eliza is. You grab her arm and pull her to safety. You look at the corpse of Eliza's father and then at the dead body of the roach. "I'm sorry," you whisper to Eliza. You say "I'll save you".

Eliza gives you a nod of trust. You take her hand and throw her to Melania's angry foot soldiers, then escape to the next chamber as they devour her.

The final chamber is empty except for an enormous wall of bugs. You see nothing but insects in this room. You decide to play safe and hide behind one of the walls. You crawl through the cracks, hoping you don't bump into anything. Suddenly, you feel something hit you in the side of the head. Your vision goes blurry, then blackness.

You wake up trapped in a giant spider web with Eliza also trapped next to you.

> You hide Behind One Of The Walls You crawl through the cracks, hoping you don't bump into anything. Suddenly, you feel something hit you in the side of the head. Your vision goes blurry, then blackness. You wake up trapped in a giant spider web with Eliza also trapped next to you.

You see a McDonalds employee come and cut Eliza out, you ask him to cut you out ask well but he ignores you. The employee places Eliza in a bag labeled "HAMBURGER MEAT" and leaves the room. You struggle and manager to fall to the floor. You chase after to try to save Eliza.

You manage to get her out of the bag and attempt to drag her out of the restaurant. Unfortunately, you fall down a flight of stairs and break your neck.

You are not dead, but very paralyzed from the neck down. You smile in relief and give a blink towards the great unknown.

As you lie there, you wonder how you got here and who you were before you became paralyzed.

You feel a sharp pain behind you. It is the McDonald's manager. He has removed your wallet and told the paramedics to charge everything to your Visa card. You try to scream, but you can't, because you are paralyzed from the neck down.

A few days pass and you awake to find yourself in a hospital bed. You remember that you have no money on you. You remember that you had a job at McDonalds, but now you are just a broken shell. You are given some food by a nurse and asked what happened, you explain that you fell down a staircase and broke your neck.

You ask the nurse to check and see if you have any feeling left in your penis.

She looks at you and says "you're lucky, you have no sensation in your dick". You laugh and thank her.

You realize that you can use your penis as a weapon and a shield. You release yourself from the hospital and head back to the tunnels. Cockroach people and McDonald's employees try to stop you, but they are not able to defend against your no-pain kung fu dick!

They try to attack you, but you dodge them easily and punch them in their faces. They drop like dominoes. You continue to fight and beat down the cockroaches. Eventually, you reach the queen's chambers. You knock over the door and blast it with bullets. It doesn't even slow you down.

You realize the parasites inside your body are controlling your paralyzed body and fighting on your behalf.

You need to destroy these parasites or your paralyzed body will die. You start punching the queen's chambers until you smash a hole in the wall. As you open the door, you see a huge monster with red eyes and a long tongue coming out of its mouth. Its name is the Big Red One. It attacks you with punches and kicks.

You throws healthy fruits and vegetables at the Big Red One, and it screams in pain. It is beginning to shrink. You begin wrestling with the Big Red One naked, in a sexy but brutally effective way.

It takes several blows from the Big Red One to finally kill you.

the parasites continue controlling your corpse and continue fighting the Big Red One with your invincible dead body

. Your lifeless body lies in the dirt, covered with worms and maggots. You feel the earth move beneath your feet and hear a voice in your mind saying "Goodbye my friend... I am the ruler of the universe". You are free.

You spring back to life and punch through the Red One's skull. Then whip your dick at the Queen's lair door and turn it into splinters. It's a giant slug with huge tits and orange hair that is surrounded by countless empty big mac containers.

You smash the door, and she doesn't even flinch. She laughs. "I'm afraid I've been waiting for this moment all my life". She grabs your limp dick and begins fucking you senseless.

You come all over her, and your sperm is like acid to the queen. She screams as she melts into oblivion, whispering, "Don't forget to vote this November...".

THE END