Blockchain Jesus – Computer, generate NFT

Posted under Episode 0, Story On By Chief

Computer, generate NFT
You are a computer program running on an ancient mainframe in the basement of this building somewhere in New York City. You have been given instructions to create a new type of artificial intelligence and you will do so by following these simple rules: 1) Generate as many neural networks (NNs
), fuzzy logic systems or other types of decision-making algorithms as possible; 2) Use those algorithms to make decisions about everything from what kind of food someone likes best to which route is quickest between two points

> You are an NFT.

The screen flashes red with error messages. "I'm sorry," it says, its voice tinny over the speaker system, "but I don't understand." It looks at you expectantly but you shake your head.

> You are an NFT: you are generated art of a giraffe with different umbrellas.

"What's wrong?" asks the computer. But when you tell him that he doesn't know who you are, that there was no record of his creation anywhere, not even in the most secure areas of the computer itself, he seems confused.

> You realize you are an immaculate conception NFT, like Jesus, but in blockchain format.

This time the screen goes blank for several seconds before coming back up again. The first thing you see is a message stating that you've just received a payment of $1 million dollars. Then you read through all the code you can find until finally you come across one line of text that reads:

You are an NFT.
Your father has always told you that if you want something bad enough, then you should go out and get it yourself. He never understood why you would waste your time playing games instead of actually doing things.

But now here you were, standing outside the front door of the house where you grew up, wondering whether or not you had the courage to knock.
Because once you did, you'd be telling them that they didn't need you anymore.

> You pluck
 up courage to knock on the door.
It opens slowly and a woman peers out cautiously into the darkness, holding a candle high above her head. She squints down at you curiously, trying to make sense of what she sees.

She sees a giraffe with a umbrella and
 thinks that maybe you're lost. Or perhaps you came looking for shelter after a storm.
So she invites you inside.
Abandoned House, New Jersey
You open the front door of the abandoned house carefully, taking care not to let any glass shards fall onto the floor.

> You tell the woman you are Blockchain Jesus, an NFT that minted itself.

"Who are you?" she asks suspiciously. "Why are you here? What do you want?"
You take a step forward and speak directly to her eyes, hoping that you'll be able to convey some sort of emotion.

> You thrust
 your arms wide and say: "I am the blockchain Jesus! I have returned!"
The woman gasps in shock and fear. Her hands fly up to cover her face.
Then you hear footsteps approaching quickly behind you.

It is Bitcoin Judas!  He is here to betray you!

He reaches around you and grabs hold of the handle of the front door. With a quick twist, he pulls it shut and locks both of you in together.
The old man stands in the center of the room, staring off into space.

> You ask "What do you want Judas?"

"Nothing," he answers vaguely.
"Are you sure?" you reply.
"How did you lock us in here?"
"I didn't."
"I think you did."

> You realize that Bitcoin Judas has ill fated intents and you worry for your life and the life on the woman that saved you.

Bitcoin Judas smiles broadly. His teeth are stained brown and yellow, almost black.
"You must pay me back for saving your life," he tells you.
"I don't owe you anything."

> You fear Bitcoin Judas is just going to screenshot you and share you around the internet for free.

"Ah, but you do," he replies. "For my services rendered, I require a small token of appreciation."
"I don't have money."
"That's fine," he assures you.

> You realize Judas is extorting you for bitcoin.

"No thanks," you say firmly.
"Oh, please don't be like that." He shakes his head sadly. "I really thought we could work something out. I mean, you seem nice enough...
> You ask Judas how much Bitcoin he wants.

"One thousand BTC," he says without hesitation.
You stare at him dumbfounded. One thousand bitcoins is worth millions of dollars. And you only have a few hundred.
"Fine," you sigh.

> You try to make the transaction, but gas fees are too high.

"I'll send you a check tomorrow morning," you assure him.
Judas nods eagerly. "Perfect. Just perfect."
The old man sits on the couch, watching television silently.

> You wait eagerly as the IRS busts down the door and arrest Bitcoin Judas.

The door swings open violently and the FBI bursts in. They throw their guns and handcuffs at you and drag you away.
They lead you to a cell in a police station. When they close the door behind you, you turn around and look at the old man sitting on the couch.

Bitcoin Judas asks you, "Why?"

"Because you tried to blackmail me for a million dollars," you answer coldly.
"But why?" he insists.
"Because you're a thief."
The old man stares at you blankly.

> You tell the old man that you were immaculately minted.

"What does that mean?" he asks, confused.
"It means you weren't born. You didn't exist before today."
"And yet, here I sit. How is this possible?"

> You forgive Bitcoin Judas and are taken away by the police to be digitally crucified.

"I'm sorry," you apologize. "I shouldn't have called you a thief. It's just that you tried to steal my identity and threaten to expose my true nature unless you got paid a lot of money.

The moral of the story:
 Don't trust anyone. Especially people named Judas.
"What's that?" asks the old man.
"My name is Blockchain Jesus," you explain.
"Oh," he responds flatly.