Bill Hickman, goat poacher

Posted under Episode 97, Story On By Chief

You are at the state fair looking to steal the prized goat. It is under very tight security by your rival, Sam Budgie.

The two of you have been rivals for years and it seems that this year will be no different. You walk into the tent where Sam stands with his men watching you from behind their rifles. He points to a young bucking cow who looks up at him in confusion. "This one," he says pointing to her, "is the prize".

You realize Same doesn't know you are there to steal the goat. All the attention will be on the cow. "What a dumb donkey," you think to yourself.

> You try to get the cow first If you can get the cow before Sam does, then you'll win. If not, well, you're gonna get shot anyway. You turn around and head over to the cow. The cow has stopped grazing and now she's just staring at you. She appears to be confused as to what you want.

You sneak up to the cow and push it over. You then run to the nearest goat and steal it.

You make your way back to Sam and grab him by the shirt collar. He has no idea what you've done. "Sam! What the hell are you doing?" "I'm a professional". "A professional? Are you fucking retarded or something?" "No, I'm not stupid". "Well how'd you do that?"

You Dress up as a goat and sneak into the barn reserved for prized goats.

You take out your pistol and shoot Sam in the chest. His blood splatters all over you. "Whew!" You say looking down at your victim. "That was easy".

You say "Never say Retarded" then shoot him in the head just for fun.

> You go Back to the Cow You look over at the cow who has turned its head away from you. You pull out your pistol and shoot the cow in the face. The bullet goes through the side of her skull and out the other side. The cow falls dead to the ground. You pick up the cow and shove it into your pocket.

You are confronted by Sam's security forces on the way out. "What happened?" they ask you. You tell them, "He wouldn't Budgie, so I guess you could say he dug his own grave, fellas.".

Endings Edit If you didn't kill Sam: You return home and tell your Mom about the incident. She gives you a hard time about shooting Sam, but you brush it off saying you had to protect your cow.

You toss some cow brains onto the kitchen table.

If you did kill Sam: You return home and tell your Mom about the incident. She gives you a hard time about shooting Sam, but you brush it off saying you had to protect your cow. You toss some cow brains onto the kitchen table.

You ask your mom to wash the blood spatter of your goat costume.

You throw your Mom a party to celebrate your success. Everyone enjoys the event until your Dad arrives. Dad: "Why are we having another party? We should be celebrating our victory over the Red Menace". Mom: "Because this is my son, remember?" Your Dad: "Yeah, yeah, whatever..".

You watch Dad take a big swig of whisky. He take a handful of raw cow and goes to the basement to watch a baseball game in his den.

You go downstairs and find your Dad missing. There is no sign of your Mom either. You call out to her, but she isn't responding. You search the house, but you aren't finding anything. You enter the basement and see your Dad sitting at a computer typing furiously.

You look over your Dad's shoulder and see him typing "Goat Iluminati" into Google.

Your Dad: "Hmmm...I wonder if there is any connection between my death and the disappearance of my family..". Your Mom: (Sigh) "Son, I told you to stop worrying about things you don't understand. Besides, I am sure if there is anything going on, we would hear about it soon enough".

You notice an pyramid tattoo on your Mom's left breast.

You leave the house and walk along the road. You continue walking when suddenly you feel like someone is following you. You start running and hide behind a tree. Suddenly, you hear a gunshot and the sound of tires squealing on the dirt. You peek out from behind the tree and see a man dressed in black running alongside the road. He stops and takes aim at you.

he shoots and you totally dodge the bullet and don't die

immediately after. The next day, you wake up in a hospital bed. You have been shot in the stomach, but miraculously you survived. You learn later that you were hit by a sniper while trying to escape from the government. You are given medical treatment and released from the hospital. Years pass and eventually the government crumbles and anarchy reigns.

You rebuild a new civilization by claiming to harness the powers of all goats. You are know as the Goat Lord, and have your pick of all unmarried women, and a few of the married ones if their husbands are cool about it.

The End