Barry Snotter, a student at Bogwarts school of Illusions and Tricks

You are Barry Snotter, a student at Bogwarts school of Illusions and Tricks.  You are in Defense Against Dark Pranks with your best friends Won Reasley and Germione Hrainger.

"Hey! We need to get outta here!" you say pointing at the door.
"What? What do you mean?" Won asks.
your first test is on avoiding wedgies. You know the students in Blytherin will pick on you during the test. You decide that you should start by being as quiet as possible. "I'm going to be very quiet."

You all take turns trying not to make noise while listening for any signs of trouble.
> You cast a spell of silence on you and your friends.
You take out your wand, Pointing it at yourself first. You say,
"Finite Incantatem". A flash of light appears near you, and you feel very tired.
You realize you cast the wrong spell and that instead of a spell of silence, you cast a spell of sleep.
Your wand falls out of your hand, and you are hit by a large black cloaked figure, who picks you up and swallows you completely.
> You wake up in the cottage of Magrid, the school's animal keeper.
You wake up in Magrid's cottage. You stagger to your feet, looking around the room. Magrid sits in a recliner with his eyes closed. He is wearing an old worn out brown cloak.
> You tell Magrid all about your terrible past.
You tell Magrid everything. He seems to believe you, but has several concerns. He says he will have to call the other teachers to come speak to your, like a "truth serum" but with a more fun name.
He calls them all in, except for Professor Flitwick, who is out of the country on a 12-year mission. They all ask you several truth potion questions.
You level up and the following truth telling skills:
Occult: Beginner, Your past is unclear
Higher education: Beginner, You never graduated college
Higher education: Beginner, You never gradauated college
Higher education: Beginner, You never attended
You are asked the following questions from the teachers:
Magrid asks you if you hate any student.
Say no.
Magrid asks you if you hate any professor.
Magrid asks you if you hate any teaching method.
> You tell him, "Magrid."
"I'm sorry Magrid?" you say.
"Do you hate Magrid?" Magrid asks, with a confused look on his face.
You ponder your response for a moment, before saying, "Yes."
> You say "Yes, Barry hates you.  And Barry hates when people refer to themselves in the third person!"
The other professors look at you briefly, before turning back to Magrid, who just shrugs his shoulders.
"Fine," he says. "I'll call him in."
> You use your wand of laser piss on the council of teachers.
You aim your wand at the council, and begin to utilize the laser piss spell. This involves pointing your wand at the target and releasing a concentrated blast of yellowish laser light directly into it.
you speak the magic words "Asparagum Flowus" and you supercharge the wand, blasting laser piss out the side of Magrid's shack.
It blasts the council of teachers directly in the face, and their clothes begin to incinerate them.
They scream a horrible noise, burning the whole time.
"BURN! BURN! BURN!"
Moldershort, He Who Must Be Named, sees this and tells you, "Great work Barry, you have finally reached you true potential!"
You watch the peasants run away in terror, and leave with the rest of your own kind.
The moral of the story: Don't piss off Magrid.